North Star

6. Surprises

The bear filled me up entirely. It felt like the blood would leak out of my pores. I guess the theory of wrestling a bear and winning can get crossed off the list now.

The entire time, I couldn't help but think about Renesmee, who she was, and how I would act towards her. It was as though I were meeting a celebrity, and one embarrassing act from me would be the end of me.

I was kneeling at the bear's head, patting it, feeling terrible for taking its life away, but thankful. If I wanted to live and this was the only way, then so be it.

As I caressed it's head and fur on its big shoulders and arms, I let the reality of it sink in. I am a vampire, I am dangerous. I can hurt people. If I hurt people, I might even end up hurting myself and never be able to forgive myself. I've heard of cases of how broken hearts can kill humans, can an eternity of depression and guilt be enough to kill me?

I don't even know how I'd feel if I killed someone from my family, one of my friends. That is why I have to try and be strong, hold myself physically back to be able to make it through this. If I can do it for Renesmee, then I can do it for my loved ones, if I ever see them again.

Nodding, I stood up, turned away from the bear and faced the others. Carlisle had returned but he didn't come empty handed. He had a tote bag in his hands full of stuff.

I walk towards them. Carlisle looks at the bear that I had just killed and smiles a small smile. He doesn't look at me and extends the bag out for me to take.

Looking inside of it and taking things out one at a time, there was: a hair brush, wet wipes, a light purple sleeveless blouse, dark jeans and a pair of heeled combat boots.

How thoughtful, but there is no way I'm going to change out in the open with four guys watching me.

"Cristal, have a little faith, we're not going to look," Edward said, offended, not looking at me. It hadn't been until then that I realized that none of them were looking at me.

I still didn't trust them all that much, so I glared at him. Even if they did turn around if I asked them to, he would probably read my thoughts and see me changing myself.

Nope, no way. Like hell I'm changing. What I am wearing is just fine.

I shook my head, deliberately.

They saw me shake my and it was Emmett that convinced me to change. He cleared his throat, looked at me and my dress for a split second and looked away.

Confused, I look down, gasp and whirl myself around.

The dress I am wearing, probably from going for the bear, now had three huge gashes down the middle. The gashes exposing most of my skin.

"Turn around," I say aloud, fiercely. I really do not like my voice. I doubt I'll use it very much. It's a good thing that there was a mind-reader in this group, I wasn't all great with sign language and I'm not entirely sure if they knew it either.

I hear some rustling, they're turning around. I sigh in relief.

After putting the tote bag carefully on the ground, I rip the now useless dress off me. I dress in a hurry, debating whether I should keep the shoes or not. The flats I have on are scuffed and covered in blood and the thought of walking around the house in them, even my own mother would chase me around with a broom, so I kick them off and put on the boots.

The image made me laugh softly but then I turn sad, thinking of my mom.

Would she come looking for me? Would my siblings? They shouldn't. They should forget about me soon so that they can be happy.