UNWANTED LOVE BY HIM

29

Most days seemed to go fast, and others felt like decades, but it felt like having Steven around helped.

"Hey, are you awake?" I Thought about faking to be asleep, but instead I answered, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing I just wanted to know if everything was alright you didn't eat much at dinner today and you're being really quiet lately" he said as he sat down on my bed.

"I'm fine, just" I thought about what I was going to say I hadn't sat up, yet I was turned around in my bed holding my stomach. I wanted this baby, but I hated the fact that I was raped and the man who was a part of it was next to me I hated it, though he had apologized, and we were supposedly friends I hated being around him. I Knew he wanted to be responsible, but I hated him for what he did. I wanted this baby to have a father and I didn't have the courage to text or talk to Kevin. I wanted to be alone, but things had changed it wasn't only me anymore it was me my baby and Steven.

"I'm just tired, that's all" I started pulling the blanket over myself trying to cover my whole body with it.

The room went quiet, and I thought he'd simply get up, say goodnight and it would be over, but he didn't.

"I'm sorry, I Know what I did was a stupid thing I know that you are never going to forgive us, and I don't want you to, if that makes sense. What we did is unforgivable and I thank you for giving me a roof over my head, I feel if I where you I'd kill the person that hurt me, but you're not me your this caring person that even if people hurt you, you forgive them yes it won't be the same relationship but you're the type of person to try to hide your pain, your fear and I'm sorry that I can't go back and change what I've done. I'm leaving for San Antonio tonight, but I'll be sure to keep in touch with you, again thank you for everything and I know it won't fix anything, but I truly sorry. "He stood up ready to leave

"What?" So, this is it he was just going to leave me in the middle of all this what happen to staying with me and dealing with his problems, I Hated him, but I also felt this sense of security it was like I had Stockholm syndrome, but I didn't I hated him but wanted him around. How could he just say sorry and leave me?

"So that it? you're just going to leave me? I thought you were going to stay and deal with your mistakes? Didn't you say you where the baby daddy? I thought you were..."

"Be quiet, your parents are sleeping, listen I know what I said OKAY, I'm not running out on you, I just need time too, I know I'm not in the position to ask for anything, but I think you need it more then I need it. So just stay here be happy and I'll send you money every month, just forget about me"

"How dare you?" I yelled at him, sitting up not facing him, I didn't want him to see my tears streaming down my face. How dare he leave me right know that my stomach is so big, and my back is in pain with the weight on it, how dare he leave me when I'm only months from having the baby inside of me, how dare he abandon me?

"You don't need me here Lili I'm not the right person, I'm not going to be the dad to be around and cradle him knowing what I did to you, I'm not the loving type alright you need someone that is there someone that will hold the baby without feeling regret I'm not that person."

He started walking out of the room, I tried to reach for his hand, but it was gone and the last thing I heard was the door, I was alone all over again. I didn't have Kevin I had my parents but it's like they never paid attention to me they still left for business related trips, and I was alone. I never left the house because I never found a reason to do so, Steven would go to the store if I had craving, and he's bought me snacks and movies to watch so I wasn't alone and know he's going to leave me all alone. I stood up and started going downstairs I open the door hoping that his car was still in the driveway.