UNWANTED LOVE BY HIM

31

Lily's POV

I woke up in a cold sweat. I felt hands around my waist.

How can his hand be so big? I feel like I'm as big as an elephant. I could feel his steady breath behind my ear. I felt at peace I finally cried but if I'm being honest, I was afraid. I have heard stories about how women give birth. It was not the miracle of life; it was a miracle that the women stays alive after such a nightmare. I felt Steven's breathing change.

"Have you thought about what you're going to name it?"

"Why is it a IT" I asked.

"Because we don't know if it's a boy or a girl, so it shall be called it an it for now"

I laughed at him and tilted my head to look at him. "I don't know yet"

I wanted this baby, but I wasn't sure I was ready to care for him, to love him.

"Do you think I'm ready for it?"

"Are you kidding me, you're the nicest soul I know. I know your going to be a great mother. I know that when Jr. Pops out you'll be there for him. I know you will love him, and I'll be here too. I'll be here to care and love for both the kid and you. And ...."

My head was on my pillow while he was resting his head on his hand above me. Did I really have Stockholm syndrome? Was I really beginning to have feelings for a man who hurt me? Was I in love with him?

"Are you listening to me?"

I stated into his eyes waiting for something to happen. Waiting for him or me to look away.

"Are you okay?"

"I think I' am...."

I waited what was going to come out of my mouth? I closed my mouth embarrassed.

"I think I need to use the restroom" I said trying to get up.

"Oh, okay. Let me help you get up then" he started to move the bed and I felt the sense of loneliness, like the warmth of the man I loved....

The Man I Loved.

Like Kevin was leaving my side.

Was I in love with Steven?

Was he The New Man I Loved?

I looked into his eyes as his hand was in front of me. Should I take the man who hurt me, the man who is standing by my side and allow my self to fall in love with him? Should I take the hand he is expanding for me. Should I trust him and fall into his arms? Would he catch me?

I take his hand, and silently agreed with what my heart was saying. I closed the restroom door behind me as he stood in the hallway. "I think I'm I love" I smiled to myself so what, I was in love with him, he already hurt me in the worst way possible what else can he do, what is the risk this time? It can't be worse than what he did. It's okay. There's nothing I have to live for, why not. Why worry.

I stepped out of the restroom. There he stood waiting for me like loyal soldier.

"Steven, I think I'm In Love With You"

I wanted his eyes to light up. I wanted him to be happy about it. I wanted him to hug me to hold me to kiss me to say something, anything, but he just stood there motionless.

"Steven?" I walked closer to him waiting for him to speak or to push me away.

"I- I think you need sleep" He led me to my room laying me down on my bed. He slowly started covering me with a blanket. He stared at me with pity in his eye, like I was disgusting. I felt the room began to get bigger and I felt small all over again. I felt alone, as he walked out the room with his hand on his face. I laid in my bed counting the steps he took.

"One, two, three, four" I counted 12 steps before I waited for him to step down the stairs, "thirteen, fourteen, fifteen" I counted his steps towards the door "twenty-four, twenty-five" and then I heard the door open and shut. I started to count the seconds. "One" but before I could get to two, I heard his car engine roar. I began crying and curling myself in my blanket. I needed him and he just left me. I hated this I wanted to go back, back to Kevin, back to his train in the middle of nowhere. I wanted to lay on his chest and count his breaths, but instead I was here alone in the cold with my kid. Alone over again.

Steven POV

I wanted this why was I not happy. I drove past the city limits, I needed a ride I needed to escape this, nightmare disguise as a daydream.

I loved her but was I ready to help her through this? I wanted to I loved her to there for her didn't I? A voice in my head kept telling me to turn back and care for her and another was telling me to keep driving. I wanted to be with her, but would she be able to be happy with me? would she be able to live with me? I loved her, didn't I? So why did I leave her? Why couldn't it all go back to when we where enemies and didn't talk to each other? Why couldn't it go back to before we raped her. Why did I do this to her?

"What is wrong with me?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out too."