Marina One Shots

Breathe

This takes place right after their discussion after Carina leaves the room. Short one, but something that I thought of after watching the scene.

Carina just left Maya in their bedroom after being told that Maya couldn't do it. Maya was putting her career over a family and life with Carina. While Carina said she would learn to accept not having kids with Maya if that's what she really wanted, but Carina wasn't convinced it was actually what she wanted. She always preaches being on a track, but that track only involves work. I don't even think it involved a wife, but here we are. 

Maya sat there fidgeting with her wedding ring, willing her to calm down, but nothing is working. Her wife walked away, which was Maya's own fault, as she tried to avoid talking about it with Carina. Carina walked away because it seems Maya's mind was already made up before even really discussing it. Before being open to the possibilities that a child could bring more joy and happiness into her life than any job ever cold.

As Maya kept thinking about it, Carina didn't deserve this indecisiveness. She thought and continues to think that she doesn't deserve Carina. She can't trap Carina into a marriage if the ultimate goal is to start a family. She can't stop Carina. She'll do whatever it takes for Carina to be happy and if that meant letting her be happy with someone who wanted kids and who knows what they want, then she would have to do that. It's not fair to Carina.

The next thing she knew, Maya's breathing was becoming shallow and she couldn't control it. Maya's eyes kept going in all directions, they could not focus on anything. Maya barely registered the door opening then closing, meaning Carina was now gone. Her breathing continuing to get shallower and shallower.

Carina rushed back into the room and got down on the floor with Maya. Her face was tear stained and she was upset, but she didn't want to see her wife suffer like this. She didn't want to put herself above her wife's needs because they were not on the same page. Carina took Maya's face in her hand and started to simulate deep breathing. This wasn't working for Maya and she was going to be in a bad way soon if she didn't get herself under control.

Carina was running out of ideas to calm her wife, so she thought of the only thing that she knew could work. She lowered Maya down to the ground flat, and then laid on top of her. This pressure was deep enough that it should be able to calm her down. "Breathe, bambina. You've got to breathe. Look at me, only focus on me. No eyes forward, just on me, Maya." Carina soothes.

Maya was starting to get her breathing back as she kept her eyes on her wife. Her eyes began to focus again and saw Carina's eyes that were still only on her. Maya started to tear up while looking at her wife, seeing what she would be giving up. They sit back up on the floor after a little while, Maya with her head on Carina's shoulder. "Carina, I don't deserve you. And you don't deserve me not knowing what I want. I love you more than anything, and want you to be happy. You deserve a life where someone can give you what you want with no fault or fail." Maya says with tears in her eyes.

"Bambina. I want to be happy with you. I don't want to be happy with someone else." Carina says. "I don't know that I can give you a kid right now." Maya tells her wife. "Is it something that is completely off the table because you don't want them? Because then I can accept that, but I don't think that's the case." Carina asks her wife. 

"Right now, I am stuck in a mindset that moving up is most important in my job. And that's not fair to you, I am stuck in this mindset that works is the only thing I have. And if you leave, that's all I have. I have to get out of my own head and know that you are who I am fighting to come home to. I'm terrified I won't get out of my own head and love you the way that you deserve to be loved. I'm terrified to snap at our kid the way that my dad snapped at me." Maya says with a sigh.

"Being terrified shouldn't be a reason to not have a child. Because truth be told, I am terrified they'll have the disorders that Andrea and my papa had, but not terrified enough to not love them with everything that I have. So if you don't want kids, I can accept that. But if it's because you're terrified to mess them up or not loving them enough, you came to accept me into your life and I think you'd accept a child." Carina says. 

"Carina, I just don't have the answers right now." Maya admits. "Tell me this, is it off the table completely?" Carina asks and Maya shakes her head no.

"Bambina, you are my home. And I have to accept a home that may or may not include a child. I just want you to think about it and not avoid the conversation. I don't want to fight with you about it, I just want to have a healthy discussion about it. Bringing a new life in the world is a big deal and I don't want it to be a stress for you." Carina says to her wife.

"I love you, Maya. Whether or not that includes a child, I will learn to accept." Carina says. "You want a child, Carina. That isn't going to go away." Maya says to her, tears falling freely again. "But my love for you is what matters most." Carina counters. 

They sit in silence, not saying anything more than what was said in the moment.

Author's Note: I know it's kind of still up in the air in this one-shot, but I'm trying to follow what is happening in the show. My theory is that Maya realizes that no medal or accolade would compare to what a life could bring into this world. That she needs to make sacrifices that don't revolve around work. I think she is still stuck in her own head about the whole thing. Hopefully it works out because I think I speak for everyone where I will stop watching the show if they get a divorce.