Musings In B Minor

NOT AS PLANNED

A SHORT SKIT by Andrea Tumblin

TITLED: Not As Planned

"Hello."

"I'm sorry to call you like this, but we need to talk."

"Okay. Is everything alright?"

"Honestly, lately I've been thinking that... we might need to... take a break."

"Okay?"

"I want you to know how much I love you, but I don't feel the same kind of love for you like I used to."

"O... O... Okay?"

"So... I think we need to see other people."

"Okay. Do you already have someone in mind?"

"Well... Uhm... Do you remember Jessica?"

"Yeah? Do you mean the new employee in your office?"

"Uhm... yeah. That's her."

"Okay."

"Why are you just saying, Okay? Aren't you upset with me for cheating on you?"

"Well... yes and no."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Yes, for wasting my time all these years."

"And no?"

"No, because Jessica can pick up your dirty clothes, do your dirty laundry, smell the foul disgusting gas you always try to kill me with. The list just goes on and on."

"Why do you sound so nonchalant about all of this?"

"Oh, while you were busy pouring your heart out to relieve your guilt, I just moved OUR MONEY to an offshore account, purchased a one-way ticket to South Korea--so I can immerse myself in some good Ole Korean culture like I planned to do before we got married, canceled all our joint credit cards, loans or anything that had both of our names on it, got dressed, took my name off of everything I can at this time without having to go to court, and now, I'm headed to the airport to catch my flight."

"WHAT THA..."

"Oh yeah, I recorded all the juicy parts of this conversation to support the Petition for Divorce I just filed online. And, I will use exactly what you just told me as proof of your infidelities IN COURT!"

"Baby, wait! Don't do this!"

"Don't do what? You said you wanted a break. I'm giving you exactly what YOU said YOU wanted."

"But... I didn't mean like this."

"Dude. Get a grip."

"DUDE!?"

"Somebody lied to you and convinced you that you're mister PERFECT."

"DUDE!"

"I have put up with your filthy ways and disrespect for years. Jessica is more than welcome to have your trifling behind. I actually pity her because she has no earthly idea what she's getting herself into."

"Wait a minute. We need to talk about this before you make any more irrational decisions... DUDE!?"

"We have nothing more to discuss. Besides, I need to find an assistant, preferably with a name like Alejandro to help me figure out my travel schedule, and so I'm not traveling alone. You know that's not recommended with all the current social problems in the world, as of late."

"Baby... wait... I'm on my way home. Let's talk about this."

"There's nothing more to discuss. I guess you forgot that I gently warned you against ever crossing me. You asked. I agreed. End of discussion. Bye, BEACHES."

"Baby... No. Wait."

CLICK