trash star - punznap

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her smile could light up a thousand worlds. it's blinding as she comes strutting down the hallway, looking so picture-perfect. her hair is braided and her nails are painted pink.

"nick!" she calls out.

he lets her fall into his arms, embracing her like she's his everything. she smells as sweet as always, even sweeter than bubblegum.

"i thought you weren't in school today, i couldn't find you anywhere!"

"nah, i've been here," nick chuckles, "i've just skipped a few classes."

sadie gives him a death glare, as if ditching was a crime of the same degree as murder.

"hey, if you're gonna be into 'bad boys' it's time to start getting used to shit like this," he jokes.

"i know i know," she laughs, rolling her eyes, "it's not like i've never skipped anything myself."

he just shrugs, feeling the shame of using the term 'bad boy' creep up on him. when was he ever a bad boy? when was he ever happily nonchalant?

sadie turns her back and starts walking away, signaling to him to follow. he's confused at first, but doesn't question her. he'd trust sadie with his life at this point. especially when she walks so confidently, back straight and hips swaying.

she's only an inch or two shorter than him - not that his height is anything to brag about - even while wearing flat shoes. everything about her shines of courage and leadership. nick admires that shine.

"i wanna go do something with you," she explains, "go eat, go to the park, or go see a movie, you know?"

"right now?"

"yeah, where did you think i was taking you?"

she giggles, hitting his arm playfully. the grin on her face is infectious, and soon enough nick finds himself mimicking it.

"i don't know, to the forest to kidnap me?"

"i mean, i wouldn't mind having a cutie like you tied up in my basement.."

nick raises an eyebrow, wrinkling his nose in fake disgust. sadie slaps a hand over her mouth, like that made her realize what she just said.

"i'm sorry, that was too much-"

"nah, you're good, it was funny," he reassures her, placing his arm around her shoulders.

her forest eyes search for his, glittering in the bright hallway lighting. her gaze is so kind, so gentle, like she really enjoys his company. it makes him feel safe somehow. for once, someone isn't judging him, picking apart his whole personality and all his insecurities.

"where do you want to go for real though?"

"i need to just chill honestly, so-"

"we could go to my place?" she interrupts, "my parents aren't home, it'll be chill."

he shrugs, accepting the offer with some hesitation. it's not like he's got anything better to do, and since sadie's so insisting he's not gonna argue. he needs to get out there after all, he needs to open his eyes and widen his perspective and live a little, for fuck sake!

this is his chance to move on, to grow as a person and leave those pathetic teenage high school issues behind him. it's time to get to know the real world. he's not a kid anymore.

"i only live like a few blocks from here, it's a quick walk," sadie says, stopping by her locker.

she opens it and fetches a notebook and some gum. the packet is pink, just like her nails, just like...

"do you want one?"

she holds it out so nick can easily reach in and take. but he just stares at the packaging - at the little white pellets - eyes blank and emotionless. then he looks at her, at her friendly, welcoming expression, the way she casually chews, the way it smells.

he turns down the offer with a silent head shake. the rustling of the plastic makes him tense up and cringe. sadie thankfully doesn't seem to notice his odd behavior. she just throws the pack back into the locker and checks herself out in a makeup mirror taped to the wall.

nick never understood girls' obsession with looking nice. he's happy if he looks somewhat presentable. but everyone still has those days, right? those days where you worry a little too much about what others think.

at least he knows that he does. his mother always tells him that he's beautiful, and that he doesn't need to change anything, because god made him this way. but some mornings he'll stand in front of the mirror and wonder how god could've ever thought this was a good idea.

he wonders why his jawline isn't sharp, why his skin isn't smooth, why his acne won't go away. he wonders when he'll be six feet tall - or at least when he'll grow an extra inch or two - and when that baby fat will disappear and he'll get muscles. he wonders if he's doomed to be a chubby, sub-par outcast forever.

"let's go!" sadie chants, grabbing his hand and snapping him out of his thought process.

she skips towards the main entrance, and nick does his best to keep up. sadie always seems to have so much energy, no matter the day or situation. he envies her for it, just like how he envies her for many other things.

she's the perfect girl. and he's so lucky. he glances over at her, and he tells himself that. he's so lucky.

lucky. what was her name again? lucy? lucy with the eyeshadow and the beach waves. maybe she's the perfect girl too.

his head is pounding, but he stays quiet. he wouldn't want to ruin the moment. it's a beautiful day outside, not too warm and not too cold, and he's holding sadie's hand and they're leaving school together. he's gonna get to see her house soon, see her room and her bed. maybe she has posters on her walls.

"do you wanna stop by dairy queen on the way?" she chirps, "it's pretty close to my house, and i have coupons!"

she eagerly waits for the verdict. pretty green eyes search his face, encouraging an answer.

"i don't know," he manages to push out.

"we could always go get it later otherwise."

he feels like a horrible person. sadie is so enthusiastic, and here he is, ruining the mood. he doesn't understand how she can stay positive when he's acting completely aloof.

"yeah," he mumbles, "sounds good."

it's like he's not even trying. but he wants to try. he wants to be nice, and he wants to make this work. so he shakes the worries from his mind, putting on a fake smile to seem convincing enough. he read somewhere that forcing a smile for thirty seconds can trick you into feeling happier.

and how could he not smile when sadie shines like the sun? when she looks at him as if he's the most valuable thing. when she's the perfect girl.

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