𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐀𝐑 | 𝐬. 𝐚𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭 [completed]

๛48. 𝑔𝑢𝑖𝑙𝑡

I want to write. But I'm thoroughly depressed.

I'm also so afraid to fk it up because I've never completed a story so i keep trying to put it off.

~𐀔chapter forty-eight𐀔 ~

Guilt

when did this happen

or really...where did it even start?

why didn't I notice?

thousands of questions raced through your mind as you aimlessly strolled down the street.

if she's been loving me all this time why didn't she bring it up?

why did she wait to remind me at a time like this?

still. even though you asked yourselves the question, somehow they made you feel sick.

and guilty.

it was hypocritical to ask because though you feigned ignorance, somewhere inside you were already cognizant of ichika's feelings for you.

somewhere inside you knew it was quite obvious.

somewhere inside you felt like you ignored them because you weren't sure how to respond to them. If anything, you were hoping that it was a problem that if you ignored it would disappear.

but not like this.

not with her disappearing as well.

One of the few persons who would actually stay by you if you got in a fight.

one of the few that actually meant a lot to you.

"well who cares. I didn't ask her to like me or to pity me. it's not my fault" you tried to convince yourself but still knowing that she'd tweak her future just to make yours better made you feel like an ungrateful complete and utter asshole.

was I too dependent on her?

did I give her mixed signals?

if I actually did know about it, wasn't it dumb to be asking her for advice about aizawa.

moments later, after following the signal from the live location that you had sent him, nighteye appeared though he was confused as to why he was picking you up barely an hour after dropping you off.

eventually, seeing you lean against a fence by the road with a cigarette between your lips, he realized something wrong must have happened.

upon further inspection he realized that it was unlit but from the way your shaky fingers held it tightly, it was made known how badly you wished it wasn't.

how badly you wanted to succumb to the temptation.

though you had managed to somewhat quit smoking, the bag you had took to ichika was one you hadn't used in a while so you stumbled on a hidden stash inside.