Catch Me, I'm Falling in Love

Chapter 10

Cornelia smiled at Peter as he continued to explain passionately something or other about a recent basketball game that in his exact words had been "absolutely epic".

It was endearing how passionately he could talk about something as, according to Cornelia at least, mundane.

It had been a very nice date so far. They had gone to a street food truck for dinner, and had spent time watching people in front of the park area. They had talked about everything and nothing including school, friends, hobbies and family life. It had been incredibly nice and relaxed, Cornelia had even laughed so hard that the soda had gotten up her nose. Which in turn had made Peter fall off the bench, which they were sitting on, and to the ground.

Once they had finished eating their tacos, they had found an ice cream stand to get dessert, and afterwards had decided to take a walk in the park.

The sun was starting to set and the sky had taken a beautiful colour of orange, pink and purple. Even though the temperature had dropped, it was still comfortable to walk around in.

They had been walking for a while when Cornelia felt Peter's fingers brush against her own. It was an odd feeling. It was something she had anticipated would happen. I mean it was a date after all. But it still felt like it wasn't meant to happen. Like it was out of place.

She didn't really understand why she felt that way. She liked Peter. She liked him a lot. And he was mature, kind, funny and good looking. Really, she couldn't wish for him to be anything more or any better.

Yet, when their fingers had touched she hadn't felt a spark. No electricity. No excitement.

But what is electricity even? She asked herself. And isn't excitement entirely overrated? Another voice popped into her head. Especially if all of it stems from anger and resentment.

Peter's fingers brushed against Cornelia's once more and this time he took his hand in hers. She felt slightly wary of this intimacy, but told herself that this was what was supposed to happen on a date that was going well.

"You alright there?" She heard Peter ask and she looked up at him. "Of course.. Sorry..." she smiled a little and gave him a shrug, "just lost in thoughts."

Peter chuckled and gave her hand a squeeze. "May I ask what you were thinking about?"

Panic struck across her face for a brief moment. She had been thinking about Caleb, and her relationship or lack thereof with him. Not really something to share with a guy you were trying to date.

"Well..." she managed to get out. "I was just thinking about an old friend of mine... we kind of drifted apart." It wasn't entirely a lie, but it was probably farther from the truth than she could get away with.

Peter looked kindly at her. "Was it an amicable split?" That took Cornelia by surprise. How could he tell she was talking about another guy? "We... we... we never actually got together..." she said quietly.

***

It felt like he had walked around for hours when he entered the park. At no point had he registered what streets he had been passing or passageways he had been taking. Caleb was lost in his thoughts. When he had left New York, he had never thought his life could get any worse - yet somehow it had taken an emotional turn for the terrible.

Never had anything in his life had such a deep impact on him. Never had anyone had such a deep impact on him. He tried to imagine what his mom would tell him in a situation like this. But given it was a whole new territory he couldn't even master an imaginary conversation in his head.

It had started to affect many parts of his life. His grades had dropped significantly, sports left no interest in him anymore, and when he played it was more like his brain was doing it for him automatically - based on muscle memory. His friends, obviously having noticed the change in the once cheerful and opinionated guy, had almost given up trying to get him to talk. And what was there even to say?

She was on his mind constantly. When they were in class he would stare at her long golden hair and listen to her answering the teacher's question. At lunch he would sneak glances at her from the guys table and see her laugh with her heart amongst her friends. In his dreams he would see her beautiful smile in front of him, trying to reach her face, yet she was always so far away. He was desperately in love with her, but he was still entirely convinced that they were never meant to be.

He looked up at the sound of her voice. Oh crap. Caleb thought and looked frantically around to find somewhere to hide himself. A large fountain stood nearby, and he ran to the other side of it so he was hidden from the pair approaching him.

Caleb peeked around the fountain to get a feeling of how close they were when he saw it. Cornelia's hand was being held by this guy. It hurt. It hurt a lot more than he would care to admit. He was about to ask himself why he had let her go and why she was with this guy - but realised quickly that no answer would soothe this pain. When it came down to it, he had put himself in this situation.

Their conversation only sounded like muffled voices to him now, but he could tell it was a rather serious conversation. Cornelias face was filled with emotions and the guy was looking at her with an intense gaze. He desperately wondered what filled their conversation. Was it about friendship? Family? Or worse... love? If it is love it is entirely your fault she is seeking it with him. His inner voice mocked him. You could have given her what she wanted. It continued. If you weren't such a coward.

As they had passed far enough for him to slip away unnoticed, Caleb slowly started to move away from the fountain. This whole thing was killing him inside, and the voice in his head, calling him out on his mistakes was not helping. On top of that it was torture for him watching Cornelia smile and laugh with this guy. Had she ever been that way with him? He couldn't even remember. All the memories of her and him were just filled with anger and resentment, yet seeing her, he still felt a small sense of light and hope of them reuniting.

That was until he saw them kiss.

***

Cornelia and Peter had just passed the big fountain in the park, when Peter suddenly stopped.

"Well maybe that is why you are thinking a lot about it," he said as he looked into her eyes. "You never actually got any answers as to how your relationship could have turned out." A sad smile crept to his face. "Do you still want to be with him?" He asked her, and it took Cornelia by surprise.

"I don't think so..." she started. "We were toxic..." She added and then sighed. "But I don't know..." She dropped her eyes to the ground. She had absolutely no idea.

"I see," Peter said and lifted her head with his fingers. "Maybe this can help you see." And he leaned down and kissed Cornelia, right there in the middle of the park.

No. A voice in her head said, as she felt her insides tense. No, this is not what you want. It was practically screaming at her and Cornelia withdrew quickly from Peter, tears starting to form in her eyes. This was so not how the date was supposed to end. What was the matter with her? Why did it not feel right with Peter? He was everything she wanted in a guy. But when he had kissed her, she had felt like her insides fell apart. Like it wasn't meant to be. Like she could never love him. Tears sprung to her eyes.

"I'm sorry..." Cornelia pushed herself away from his embrace. "I'm so sorry... I can't." And with those words and even more tears in her eyes, she ran away from him.

What a disaster. The voice in her head continued. No one will ever love you if you keep being like this. This obviously made her feel even worse about herself. Feeling unworthy of love. Cornelia was so caught up in her emotions that she didn't see where she was going. She was just running as fast as she could away.

Until she hit something sturdy. Cornelia assumed she, and whoever she fell into, would come crashing to the ground. But instead she felt like she was caught by someone, and felt two strong arms embrace her petite body.

Who was this stranger pulling her into a hug? Or was it even a stranger? Because the scent and outline of this person felt oddly familiar.