in the morning light [g.r]

ten - repercussions

Abi's head ached. Not a standard afternoon dehydration headache, a deep rooted, tear inducing pain at the point where her spine met her skull. She had tried finding pressure points, doused up on ibuprofen swapping between ice and a hot water bottle pressed to her neck, but nothing worked. Her stomach was also aching, a seemingly never ending cycle of pain that she had another seven months of. She stared at the ceiling, wriggling about on the hard mattress and trying to find a position that was even reasonably comfortable. No luck. Frustrated, she yelled up at the water mark on her ceiling and screwed her eyes shut, rubbing at her temples. It was race day - she should have been in the garages getting ready but instead she was unable to get up without her head spinning.

She looked back to the Red Bull paperwork that laid on her chest, flicking through the pages with a scowl. She had highlighted paragraphs in different vibrant colours, trying to give some kind of meaning to the otherwise poorly translated document, but she knew it was no use. The statistics she had suggested that the brake management going into Maggots and Becketts was no where near as good as the team had been hoping for, late breaking the usual option but severely flawed by the few microsecond lag between pressure and action. Without access to the Red Bull systems, she had no idea how to change the error the car had.

She threw the booklet to the floor and rubbed her stomach, wondering what baby's dad was up to. It was two hours until the race, which usually meant George would be having some last minute training with Aleix and Alex would be calling his family. Abi wondered if either were going to stop by and check in. Due to her stubbornness, she hadn't returned to either motorhome since overhearing the comments the two men had made about not being ready to become a father. She had cried and cried, suddenly feeling horribly alone, and closed herself away for the week, phone switched to silent and pile of finished books steadily stacking up.

She too had wondered if it was the right choice to continue with her pregnancy. She was 22 and had the rest of her life ahead of her, a career to have and a home in Italy to look after and bask in without a screaming toddler following her every move. She would have to travel for work, not wanting to stay in her sleepy little village for longer than was really needed, but she knew no one in the area who could provide childcare should she need it. She would have to return to England, beg for her Williams job back, and just hope that it all turned out for the best. Callum had been right all along really, and as she reminisced on conversations between friends many years before, she couldn't help but kick herself for ending up in the same situation again.

But she knew in her heart she would adore her little bundle of joy, the fear being a mother gave her justified by the excitement that it also brought. If she had to move back to the UK, she would be able to see her family more and have them be as close to their new addition as she needed them to be. She just needed to tell them first. Anxiety at the thought of that call made her chest burn and throat halve in size. She stared at her phone, and then picked it up.

Calling her dad was something she only ever did in emergencies, in the same way he only ever phoned her to inform her of a death in the family. So it was no surprise when he answered the phone with a tone full of alarm.

"I'm ok dad, don't worry." Abi had assured him as soon as she was given a window to speak, but she knew her father would be doubtful. "I... I just have some news. Exciting, cool news."

"Are you coming back to the UK? Have you got a new job?" He asked, Abi able to hear the dazed, blind panic in his voice. She laughed a little, though cringed at the way it made her head itch with pain.

"Well, no. Maybe, but nothing confirmed... Uh..." How would she word it? How would she tell her beloved father that he was going to become a grandfather in seven short months time. She chewed her lip and then decided biting her nail was a better idea. She could hear muffling in the background, and knew she had to get on with it. "Daddy..." She breathed in slowly, ignoring the rustling and footsteps on the other end of the line. "I'm pregnant."

"Oh my god, Abigail why didn't you tell me?" He asked, voice raised though Abi couldn't quite tell if it was through excitement or anger.

"Yeah," She said quietly. "I'm having a baby." Every time she said the words they didn't feel real. Most of the time it was to her reflection as she was putting on her pyjamas, but saying it to her father? Her own flesh and blood? She couldn't stop the tears that began to fall.

"Oh Abi." Her dad was crying, she was crying, and they didnt say another word for several minutes until they had managed to compose themselves. "With who?" Her father finally asked, and it only started another enslaught of tears from his daughter. "George?"

"I... I don't know," She wept, hearing her father sniffle on the other end of the phone. "It could be George, it could be Alex." She whispered, rubbing her nose with her sweatshirt cuff.

"Well you can find out darling, are they supportive of you?" He asked and Abi chewed her lip.

"They are, but they have their careers and... and I understand a baby isn't really what either of them want right now. George and I have been trying to have another go at it but we had a big falling out and we havent spoken and... and... I dont know what's going on daddy." She sobbed and covered her face with her small hands.

"You need to know if this is what you want too darling, you're only young and you've never liked the idea of having children... I know things are different to what they were a few years ago but..." Abi sobbed hopelessly. "Don't commit because you feel you have to."

"I know... I just need to let it all sink in and then decide." She said quietly, eyes moving to the door when there was a sharp knock at it. "I need to go daddy. I love you so much."

"I love you too poppet, text me as soon as you can okay? You know I'm here for you. Always."

"I know, and I appreciate it so much. I'll call tonight." Abi hung up and went to the door, appreciating the arms that greeted her as soon as it opened. She didn't need to look to see who it was; the familiar warmth, the way his hands pulled her into the hug, his woody musky aftershave that made his bathroom smell like the Selfridges fragrance hall.

"Forgive me," He whispered into her thick hair. "For everything. For prom, for not being a better boyfriend the first time round, for what I said, for getting jealous over you and Alex, for not telling you about Seychell, for New Years, for running away from this, from you, in a blink panic," His words were choked by tears as the door closed behind them, eyes wet and Abi clinging on for dear life. "I love you and I will love you every day for the rest of my life - I don't deserve you because you deserve so much better but you are all I want, all I need." Abi couldn't stop the tears. The crying had made her head worse but her chest was crushed and a lump blocked her throat. "You're home, you're the one thing I need. Fuck it, fuck everything and everyone else. Abi you are all I have ever wanted." George pulled away, cupping her face with his large hands, smudging away her tears with the pads of his thumbs. "I love you beyond words, I am so hopelessly desperstely in love with you and I am never going to hurt you again. I promise," Abi nodded, their eyes locked as he spoke, then leaning up and pressing their salt laqured lips together and feeling the butterflies she adored so much spring to life in her stomach, a hand cradling her face and the other holding her waist as they kissed until Abi's lips were sore.

"I love you too," She whispered. "I always have and always will." He brushed away her tears and then held her close. "What's happened? What's brought this on?" She asked quietly as he played with her hair.

"I can't even go a day without hearing your voice, feeling your lips on mine, having my arms around you. I can't go a lifetime without that." He said, fingers massaging her scalp. "I knew you needed time and space and I still want to give you that if it's what you need. But I need you to know no matter what I'm still going to be here." He added and Abi looked back up to him, sharing another gentle kiss. "I want to give my life to you and this baby."

"George you can't." Abi breathed, stroking his cheek. "This is the dream, Mercedes is the dream and you are so so close," George nodded though smiled, rubbing her sides gently. "Don't throw that away for me."

"I know, but I've spoken to Toto and he said they will wait; give me a few years at Williams or off the grid and still have me in the team. I'm young, I have the rest of my life." He said and then kissed Abi once more. "Seeing my child grow up is more important than any job I could ever have." Abi, though not overly happy with his words and would be sure to convince him otherwise at some point, simply kissed him again. "We're going to make this work baby."