in the morning light [g.r]

fourteen - wait

Hospitals. Abi hated them as much now as she had all those years ago, with their uncomfortable chairs, out of date magazines, and lukewarm water dispensers. She had hoped hospitals on the continent would have been a little nicer, but if anything they were worse. No bright coloured finger paintings by poorly children, no notices on fundrasing events for the maternity ward that promised a tombola and a raffle sale. Instead, there were leaflets on dealing with cancer, pictures of men with black lungs, a child with a bruised eye clutching a teddy bear. Nothing about the waiting room calmed her or made her feel more at ease with the reality of what was going on. She knew that some bunting and a poster for the Friends of the Hospital brick a brack sale wouldn't fix anything, but some comforting wouldn't have gone amiss.

She looked back to her book, though baby was writhing about and giving her heartburn so bad it was hard to concentrate on anything at all. It had been the case ever since they arrived in Milan that baby was horribly unhappy inside her. She would rub her bump and hum songs, drink tea and water, have long evening baths, but none of it helped. Baby still wasn't happy.

Abi wondered if it was because it knew its father was so ill, that what had before been fine and normal was suddenly as far from normal as things could be. She rubbed her belly soothingly, scrunching her eyes closed. It had been two weeks since the crash, and both men were still far from waking up. Covid restrictions meant that the boys family couldn't fly out to see them, Italy not letting anyone in or out of the country that didn't have citizenship. The season had been suspended and Red Bull were being investigated for allowing the crash to happen and ignoring the warning signs during the race.

Lando and Nicky had visited a lot, sitting with the boys at Abi's side and saying very little. Sandra had come too from time to time, being a little chattier and bringing Abi small gifts to help her through the turbulent time. She had appreciated the kindness and knew that having a friend at a time like this was more important than anything. Dani and Rich had been in constant contact, promising that they would fly out as soon as they could to take some of the pressure off of Abi. But there wasn't any pressure, really. There was nothing she could do aside from sit and stare at the humming machines that would at some point start screaming at her. She knew that once they did that, it would mean one of two things.

"Abi," She looked up from her book and to Lando who stood a few steps from her holding two card cups of what she hoped was coffee. "Hey." He sat down beside her and passed her the cup in his right hand. "Decaf oat milk latte." Abi smiled at the boy and put her book down on her lap.

"Thanks." A calm silence fell between them for a while. "Alex is still in surgery and George should be back from his scan soon." Alex had been in surgery for five hours. They wouldn't tell her what the issue was, but she knew it wasn't good. He had a bleed to the brain, just like Jules.

They stayed sat in a relaxed silence until they watched George get wheeled back into his room. He looked pale and thin in his bed, his muscle quickly wasting away from the two weeks of stillness. Abi still thought he was beautiful, but instead of being the broad, tanned, smiley man she had grown to love, he looked like a wax work of himself. Slightly off coloured, slightly slimmer, more defined in the face. The two sat down beside him at either side of the bed and Abi let her head rest against his cool arm. George didn't react, as she had expected. Lando just watched, staring at George's softly rising chest with a look Abi couldn't make out.

"I need to tell you something, Abs." Lando said slowly. Abi sat up, already thinking the worst. "All this has made me realise something, realise that I can't keep on living like this. Living a lie." She rose her brows and nodded, allowing Lando to continue. "About two years ago, I met someone. And we fell in love. We want to start our life together, move in together, be in the public eye..." He swallowed and looked around the room as if his script was written somewhere on the plasterboard. "But we can't." He cleared his throat and allowed his eyes to go back to his hands. "I'm gay, Abi, and I'm in love with a man who I want to spend the rest of my life with. But if I come out... if I come out it will be the end of my career." He shielded his face with his hands and massaged the inner corners of his eyes. Abi sat still, staring at him in sheer disbelief. She had never for a second thought Lando was seeing someone, let alone that he was gay.