in the morning light [g.r]

fifteen - fine line

The screaming and crying from the room opposite was making Abi's head hurt. Though that could have been her own tears. She clutched onto George's hand with a grip so tight it could have been enough to wake him up. She sobbed into him, Alex's sister lingering in the doorway. Her eyes were wet and puffy, she had cried enough tears to drown a lobster.

"He's gone." Alicia said and Abi nodded, sobbing once more. She had never cried so much in her life. She ached from top to toe and wanted nothing more than to curl up in George's arms and have him kiss her hair and hold her close. The door had shut softly, Alicia having gone back to her family, their cries still filtering through the hallway and bleeding under the door. It jilted the silence of George's room, the chamber Abi had been almost confined to for a month. They wanted to wake George up, happy his surgery had been a success. Abi wanted nothing more than for him to smile at her again, to embrace her and tell her things would be okay. All she could do for now was cry into him and leave his hospital gown wet. He was breathing on his own, he had been for well over a week, and his body was easily flushing the fluid being pumped into it. The coloscomy bag was something they would be able to get used to eventually.

Once the noise had subsided, Abi got up and opened the door, stepping into the hallway and looking at the door opposite.

"Abi." Lando called from down the hall, running to her and embracing her. He begsn to cry almost instantly, obviously already having been given the news.

"I am so sorry, Lando." She whispered, cradling him close and soothingly playing with his hair. "I truly truly am." Abi began to cry again, quietly sniffling while Lando sobbed and shook against her. "We can see him, if you want." Lando nodded and pulled away, wiping his eyes and looking at the door. He edged towards it, a hand hesitantly resting on the handle. It inched open and they both tensed.

Alex looked himself. The wiring that had been needled into his arms and stomach were gone and he was coddled by a thick, warm blanket. His eyes were shut, and he was smiling a little. He looked like the man Abi remembered waking up next to that rainy morning, who hugged her closer when she tried to subtly wiggle away. She sat at the edge of the bed and took his hand in hers. It was stiff and cold, veins protruding. She studdied him a little longer. The creases on his forehead, the hairs that poked up from behind his ears, his chapped lips that were turning a cool purple as she stared at them.

"I am so sorry Alex, I am so sorry I didn't do more, that I didn't act sooner." She whispered as she held his hand. "I shoudln't have let this happen, I shouldn't have let you die." Her voice cracked and her cheeks felt wet. She took his hand and placed it to her stomach for a few moments. Baby settled, though could feel a few moments of it swirling about, trying to get comfortable. She sniffled and leant forward to kiss his forehead, placing his hand back where it had rested. Lando watched from by the door, relentlessly wiping the tears that refused to stop seeping. "I'll leave you to say goodbye." Abi whispered and then headed back across the hall to George. Back to the serence silence of his room.

She found one of his hoodies in the duffle bag beside the bed and oulled it over her head, curling up in the chair and looking at him, the soft raise and fall of his chest, the whistle of his breath, the calm hum of the machines around them. His skin was still warm and his lips shined a little in the neon light. Abi had been sure to tap balm into them before she left in the evening, knowing he would moan if his lips got dry. Afternoon light seaped thrpugh the window and streaked across the bed, George's socked feet poking out from the bottom of the duvet. Abi leant over and tucked his feet back in and then returned to her curled position. Now she waited.

She slept for a little while, snuggled up with her arms squished into her chest. When she awoke, Lando was sat on the opposite side of the bed reading the book Abi had left on the side.