Winter's Heart (Part 1) 18+ Canon

Chapter 5

"You won't break me", she said, dodging his punch with her left arm, trying to convince him not to pull his punches. 

He didn't use his whole strength, nor did he use his left metalarm. 

"You have no idea what I could do to you", he replied, going at her midsection again. 

"Are you flirting or starting a fight?" she asks, grinning, which caught him off guard and made his next punch sloppy. 

She grabbed his arm, guided it to the left, away from her body and forced him to his knees. Her grin became wider, but she underestimated his strength. James writhed out of her grip and spun so that she stumbled over his outstretched leg behind her. 

Without thinking about it twice, he pinned her arms to the ground, making it impossible for her to move. Her breath was heavy. James, on the other hand, didn't break a sweat. It bothered her that she wasn't working him up as much as he did her. 

His even breathing grazed over her cheek and suddenly she was all too aware of how close they were. His smell intoxicated her. He smelled...good. 

"Didn't envision you like that in between my legs", she said before she could stop herself. 

For a tiny moment, James froze and forgot to breathe. Had he just misheard? Did she mean what she said? His gaze fell on her parted lips. And she noticed him staring at her. 'Do it' her eyes seemed to scream at him. James wanted to, he really did but he couldn't trust himself. He couldn't trust himself with her. Then his eyes fell on the fading bruises on her neck. A bucket of cold water washed over his thoughts. He was the one who hurt her. Pulling away, he left her on the ground and went inside. 

Liv's cheek reddened as she stood in the shower, thinking of their training. It surprised her when he asked her if she wanted to train with him. It surprised her even more that he was relaxed and even made jokes. She caught a glimpse of another James. A man Steve saw in him and knew he was still in there. She liked this side of him. But what surprised her the most was the fact that he wanted her. He looked at her in this particular way that had betrayed him. Despite his behavior towards her, he was attracted to her. And Liv longed for him to touch her. She wanted his control to snap and cross that thin little line he had drawn even before they had met. 

When she went downstairs again later that evening, he was sprawled out on the couch. She grabbed a glass and filled it with water, watching him while she gulped it down. 

"In the mood for a movie?" she asked, testing out how far she could go before he'd withdraw again. 

"Sure", he hesitated, not sure if it was a good idea. It was just a movie, he admonished himself. 

Watching a movie meant something different than it did back in the forties. He wasn't sure what to expect or what she expected. It didn't sit right with him not to know. 

James let her choose a movie and was glad she picked a comedy. Nothing serious, nothing with a plot you had to follow. 

Liv sat again in the opposite corner of the couch. James caught himself looking at her several times and every time she smiled, so did he. 

"Who thaught you Systema?" he asked, pulling her attention to him. 

Her smile faltered and she looked down. "My dad", she said in a low voice. "He was part of the Spetsnaz. That's how I met Clint. He and my dad were close." 

"You are Russian?" he asked, confused. 

"Yeah...When my dad's identity was discovered during a mission... I don't really remember what happened that night... but", she sighed before continuing. "My mom was murdered. Clint helped my dad and I go into hiding. We got new names and moved to the US." 

She cleared her throat before turning to him again. "How much do you remember?" 

James froze, shocked that she knew.  

"Did Steve...?" Did he tell her? He thought to himself. 

"No! He would never...I may or may not have done a background check", she said. 

James pulled his brows together, asking himself who that woman in front of him really was. A Russian spy? She sure as hell acted like one sometimes. 

"There are things from the Winter Soldier days that I'm just remembering. They used a special set of words to make...to make me follow their commands, to be more efficient. Every time I came back... I just hoped I didn't kill anyone... but I remember everyone", he said, surprised that he had told her. He barely told Steve all those things. 

Liv sat in silence. Her heart clenched at the thought of what he must have gone through. 

"None, of it was your fault, James", she said when he fell silent, withdrawn into his own thoughts. 

"If you knew who I really was... what I've done... you wouldn't sit here... I'm a monster", his voice broke.

"I don't think you are", she said, and she meant it. She didn't fully understand how it must have been for him, being controlled and doing things he didn't want to do, but none of it was his fault, and he didn't seem to understand that. 

By the time the movie ended and Liv got up to stretch, she noticed James had fallen asleep. She couldn't fight back her smile. He looked at ease and kind of cute. She bit her lower lip so she wouldn't laugh. She leaned forward to wipe away a strand that had fallen in his face, but decided against it at the last moment. Instead, she took a blanket from the backrest of the couch and carefully covered him, starting with his feet. She almost had a heart attack when she reached his shoulders and noticed that he was looking at her. She lost her balance and would have fallen on him and the couch if he hadn't grabbed her upper arm to catch her.  

"Dear god, James!" she huffed, relaxing into his grip. 

He didn't remember the end of the movie or falling asleep. Waking up to her putting a blanket on him was startling. He liked how she said his name too. It did not remind him of his life before the war or his time as the Winter Soldier. Her cheeks blushed but she held his gaze. The urge to pull her closer grew with every passing second. His gaze fell to her lips, but like before, he forced himself to let her go. 

Liv spent another restless and sleepless night, but this time she wasn't thinking about how her coding would stop A.I.M. from overthrowing the government if she could just finish it in time. All she could think of were those blue eyes haunting her dreams, leaving her with a longing she couldn't shake off.