eternally // yeonbin

back to december

yeonjun's pov

i grabbed him by the collar, looking at his eyes. i'd never imagined before that we'd actually get in a physical fight one day, but there we were.

when i looked at him, i couldn't see my best friend anymore. i couldn't see the boy that i was so happy to have in my life. instead, there was this stranger who literally had no idea how much pain he was causing me by just speaking a couple of words.

i was searching for that boy, not breaking the eye contact, i was searching so hard just to see a glimpse of him. just a little bit would be enough for me. just knowing that a part of him was still there would be enough.

but the search was exhausting and the long road i didn't want to give up on led me to a dead-end.

"you know what, this isn't even worth it. fuck you." i let go of his collar, grabbed my phone and quickly exited the room, running out of the building.

i didn't know where the road was going, i didn't know if i would find myself stuck in a dead-end again. i was just running. like i could leave everything behind. like i could pretend that everything was okay. it was even funny to think about, if only it was that easy to pretend. but it never was.

i stopped after running for what felt like hours, but it was probably ten minutes or something. i noticed my feet brought me to my favourite place around here, it was the movie theatre. i'd try coming here at least once a week, even when there wasn't an interesting movie, i'd go inside just to sit there and sleep for a while. since we were very tired all the time, a little nap would be amazing to get my energy back.

now there i was again, i didn't even remember the last time i went there because we'd been very busy lately, so i could never find the time. it was a nostalgic, warm feeling i didn't realise i missed. the neon lights, the crooked sign outside and the popcorn smell i've always loved. it felt like being 18 again, it felt like going on a first date and feeling so nervous that you would be shaking, it felt like crying in front of someone and opening up to them for the first time. it felt bittersweet.

i quickly went inside and bought a ticket for one of the movies, i thought it'd be a nice distraction. and as i expected, there weren't a lot of people inside because it was already so late.

the movie started, i tried watching it but it was just too boring and i couldn't really focus on it. when i almost dosed off, i felt my phone vibrating in my pocket.

man, it'd be really nice if they could leave me alone for five minutes.

i looked at the caller, it was beomgyu. honestly, it wasn't the name i was expecting to see on the screen, but i picked it up anyways.

"what do you want?"

—

after yeonjun left running, soobin was left alone in the room. normally, yeonjun would be the one hanging out by himself because soobin would always come late, but it was different this time. soobin, not knowing what to do, just sat on yeonjun's bed for a while.

"this is so stupid," he thought to himself. "he almost punched me, and i fucking wish he did. i deserve it."

then he laid back in yeonjun's bed and closed his eyes, thinking if he should fix this or not. if he did try to fix it, his mother could've intervened which would make things even worse, and nobody would want that.

one side of him wanted to run after him, find yeonjun wherever he was. but the other side of him was trying so hard to just stay where he was, it was the voice of reason inside him. he had no other choice but to listen to it.

that's when he heard a knock on the door, after telling whoever it is to come in, he raised his head to see who it is. it was beomgyu, walking in with a concerned look on his face.

"hey, um... sorry for disturbing you so late. but, do you know where yeonjun hyung went by any chance? i know you're not close with him, but i thought maybe..."

"check the movie theatre, beomgyu." he didn't even know how he knew he'd be there, he just remembered how much yeonjun used to love that place even when they were trainees. even though soobin was not a huge fan of watching movies, because he found looking at a screen for an hour straight boring, yeonjun would always force him to go there with him. for some reason, yeonjun loved that place. it was a very old place, the sign outside was broken, the lights wouldn't work properly, and most of the paint outside was chipped off. but he loved it there. soobin wondered why he didn't think of this before, of course he'd be there. where else could he go at this hour?

"okay, thank you hyung!" beomgyu was an extremely lovable person, he loved to tease others and make jokes but somehow this made him even more lovable. he was very fun to be around, he'd always light up the mood with something silly if there was something wrong going on. not only this, but he was also extremely talented. he could play the guitar, sing well, even produce songs. he was everything soobin used to be. he also wanted to be a social butterfly again, he wanted to be like how he was before. before everything happened.

"i wonder if he realised how similar beomgyu is to the old me, would he love him like he loved me?" he couldn't help but think to himself, but even the thought of this was enough to break his heart into a million pieces. he couldn't bear the thought of him looking at someone the same way he used to look at soobin, yeonjun being happy like he used to be but not with him anymore. of course, he wanted yeonjun to be happy, he just didn't want to be the reason he wasn't.

"fuck, what am i gonna do now?" he got up from yeonjun's bed to go to his own bed after beomgyu left to go look for yeonjun in the movie theatre. if he was right and he was actually at the movie theatre, they'd be back in approximately fifteen minutes. waiting for them was like torture. he kept turning in his bed, tried to imagine something to make him go to sleep. but nothing was working. he knew he had to sleep because he was going to be practicing all day the next day, but he just couldn't go to sleep. he was very curious and concerned, and maybe a little bit jealous.

—

"i'm outside the theatre, come out so we can go back to the dorms. everyone is so worried, please."

"oh yeah? i'm sure everyone is sooo worried, nice joke beomgyu-ah. anyways, wait a second, i'm coming."

after hanging up, yeonjun let out a deep sigh and stood up. he had no other choice but to go back with beomgyu. he liked beomgyu, for most of the time. sometimes he'd get too clingy and not give yeonjun the space that he needed, then get upset when yeonjun told him not to do this. it was all too childish for him, he had better things to worry about instead of beomgyu's petty attitude. so he'd just leave it as is, most of the time beomgyu would come back on his own anyways.

"hey, how did you know i'd be here?"

"oh, i just... you mentioned it to me once, so i figured you'd be here."

"wow, that's very romantic of you." they would always flirt jokingly with each other, the problem was that one of them wasn't really joking anymore.

the walk back to the dorms took about fifteen minutes, after they said good night each other, they both went to their rooms.

the room's light was already off and soobin appeared to be sleeping when yeonjun came, but actually he wasn't. he couldn't sleep, but since he heard them talking outside of the room he tried to pretend that he was sleeping. of course yeonjun didn't know he was pretending, he actually thought soobin was sleeping. which made him very mad and disappointed for some reason, he couldn't understand why he still had expectations about soobin after being disappointed so many times.

and since he thought he was sleeping and couldn't hear him, he starting talking to himself, whispering.

"yeah, i'm sure everyone was so worried. look at him, sleeping peacefully like a baby. it wouldn't hurt anyone if you cared just a little bit, you know?"

after this, he let out a sigh again and laid on his bed. that's when he heard an unexpected voice answering him.

"i care, idiot."