eternally // yeonbin

run away

soobin's pov

of course i know you.

how could i ever forget the way you look at me? how could i ever forget your smile?

of course i know you.

but because i love you, i can't say a word about it.

i can't tell you anything because i don't want you to lose what you desperately wanted your whole life. i can't be the reason you're unhappy, i don't want to be.

"you have to be kidding me, soobin."

i could never imagine what hearing my name coming out of his lips after all these years would feel like. i'd never thought i'd see the day come, i remember being in such despair that i couldn't even cry anymore. but it was like magic, i couldn't help but feel enchanted.

"no, i'm very sorry... wait, how do you know my name?" putting up this act was the hardest thing i'd ever had to do in my life, it was harder than surviving that accident. it was harder than waking up two years after my whole life had changed without me even knowing about it. looking at his eyes and pretending that i'd never seen them shine with happiness was harder than trying to walk on water.

"how do i know your name? HOW DO I KNOW YOUR FUCKING NAME? OH MAYBE, JUST MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN HAUNTING ME FOR YEARS."

i felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. his voice sounded so angry, so broken, so lonely. back then, he'd never raise his voice at me or get angry. but this was different. he wasn't the yeonjun i used to know.

and i was the cause of this.

it was losing me that broke him.

realising this was bittersweet. yes, my conscious couldn't handle it, and i felt really bad that i'd hurt him this badly. but a sick, twisted part of me was almost happy that my absence had affected him, it almost felt good to know that he still cared this much about me.

"that is... very weird. are you sure you're not mixing me up with someone?" i said, trying to be as believable as i can. i could never fool him, i'd try pulling pranks but he'd never fall for them back when we were still trainees.

when i looked at his eyes, i could see the pure terror and shock. it was easy to tell that he couldn't comprehend the fact that i actually forgot about him. he knew me better than myself. so of course it was hard to believe that i'd just forgot about everything and moved on.

then he took a step back, i saw him tearing up. the yeonjun i knew would never cry in front of people, he'd always hold it in until he was alone. he shook his head a couple times, as if he was denying the fact that all of this was actually happening and it was all real.

"no... i can't be, it can't be. fuck, i think i'm losing my mind." at first, i wanted to put my hand on his shoulder. i knew it wouldn't do anything, but i wanted to do at least something. but when i reached, he took another step back and got away from me. from that point onwards, i honestly didn't know what to do. yes, i was the one that wanted to sneak out and come to their concert, but how could i ever guess that he'd recognise and confront me? i just wanted to see him in real life one last time before i went back to japan, since that was where i was for the past three years.

after being treated for my injuries in japan, my parents wanted me to stay there and act like nothing happened. they never liked yeonjun anyways, they always thought he was too mean and "not a good friend for me." i still didn't know what they were warning me about because yeonjun was the best friend anyone could imagine.

he was different though. after all, three whole years had passed. of course he had to change somehow, but i never thought i'd see him in such pain. it was almost like the "confident, intimidating and strong yeonjun" we were seeing on the screen was just a persona. when i looked at his eyes, i could see how broken he was. i could still see the pain and it hurt. so much. i just wanted to hold his hand and run away, was that too much to ask for? i knew we'd be happy, nobody in the world could make me happier than him. we didn't have to talk, we didn't even have to laugh all the time. just sitting there, being with him was so peaceful.

but it was all gone now.

and when i looked at his eyes, i could see shock, anger, disappointment.

not love though.

in a split second, his gaze changed like he realised something. he started to look at me like i was somebody he never knew. like i was just a stranger to him, like all of these people. if my mom could see this moment, she'd probably be very proud of me that i played my part very well but.. i didn't feel proud. i felt like a liar. i felt like i was a bad person for doing this to him. i knew that it was to protect him, but even when we first met i never saw him look at me like this. this was a new feeling. i was feeling too many emotions at once.

disappointment? maybe.

loneliness? for sure.

and most of all, pain? how could i not?

"i'm so sorry, but it's getting late. i have to go now. have a nice evening." i bowed to him before i started walking, this was probably the last time i'd ever see him in real life.

i'd want it to end well, but unfortunately our story didn't end with a happily ever after. instead, it left us feeling like we were two strangers not very strange to each other's love.

1 week later

yeonjun's pov

after finishing the song "ghosting" i'd been working on, i wanted to get it approved by the pd before out next album. this song was so different to me, it was probably the most emotion i'd ever put into the songwriting along with dear sputnik. it was special. and i wanted to share this special song with the whole world, i wanted everyone to hear my story.

walking in the company's hallways, i bowed down to my seniors until i reached the pd's room. when i did, i knocked the door and waited for an answer.

"come in!"

i had already planned how i was going to present this to him, so that's why when i stepped inside the room i started talking already.

"so, pd-nim the song i was talking about earlier is ready-"

but my speech was interrupted by an unexpected smile that dropped as soon as he saw me.

"what the hell are you doing here?"