if we have each other ~ jopper

~chapter one~

TW ~ mentions of suicide

December 17th 1985, just over five months after the Starcourt incident there was a knock on the front door. They weren't expecting anyone, it was almost 10pm. She sighed, wrapped Hopper's flannel, she had begun wearing after the July 4th incident, around her body tighter and walked over to the door. Her jaw dropped when she saw the two men stood at the door, two men she hasn't seen since July 4th. She heard talking but it sounded muffled, almost as if her entire body was underwater. El, Will and Jonathan rushed into the hall and swarmed Hopper with hugs, questions and filling him in with life in the new town. She didn't even realise Murray had left until the kids were letting Hopper in and sitting him down on the couch.

All the emotions were overwhelming Joyce, she felt as if she was going to spiral, "i- i'm going off to bed now" she spoke without really thinking and almost ran down the hall to her room. She heard Jonathan following her down the hall and twisted the lock on her door that she was now glad she installed. She couldn't deal with the amount of the emotions she was feeling in front of people, she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Jonathan knocked on her door, "mom are you okay?" he asked worry clear in his voice. "i'm fine Jonathan, just please just go away and keep Hop company" she replied her voice emotionless.

Jonathan sighed and walked back down the hall and into the living room where El was cuddled up into Hopper's side and Will was getting some snacks for the movie he had already started playing. "your mom joining us?" Hopper asked Jonathan as he took a seat on the arm chair. He shook his head, "she's lying, telling me she's fine I know something is wrong" he admitted quietly trying not to alarm Will. "she's probably just overwhelmed kid, give her a few minutes and then I'll talk to her" Hopper whispered, a soft expression falling over his face. Hopper was nervous, did Joyce not want to see him? Did she regret asking him out? Was she angry at him? He had no clue which was unusual, he used to be able to read her like a book.

Joyce was lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling tears streaming down her face and hitting the duvet underneath her body. She wanted to talk to Hopper, she missed him so much. But there was something playing on her mind, telling her this was all a dream. She'd dreamt it before, Hopper coming home and them all being a family but she always woke up. She wondered if he still wanted to go to Enzo's with her, there was one on the new town that Joyce often went to, most times imagining he would show up. She covered her face with her hands and tried to compose herself just as there was a knock on the door.

"Jonathan I said i'm fine and that you could go away" she said, annoyance evident in her voice. "Joy it's me" Hopper murmured, unsure of whether to continue, "I just wanted to catch up but I can leave if you want" he said about to walk back to the living room. Joyce shot up from where she was lay on the bed and was now stood in front of the closed door, "you can stay" she whispered unsure if he could hear her. "you wanna let me in so we can talk?" he asked, regretting his choice in case he had pushed too much. Joyce contemplated an answer for a few moments before she decided that she needed to see him, she needed to see if this was real, if he was real.

Hopper heard a click as Joyce unlocked the door and slowly opened it. She let out a quiet sob as she spotted the man the other side of her bedroom door. His hair, beard and moustache were entirely shaved off, he looked worn out and empty like he'd been working every waking hour and he had lost all the weight and more he had put on that summer. Joyce figured they only fed them enough to keep him alive over there and she would make sure that was going to change. Then it dawned on her, would he even want to stay with them? Would he take El and leave? Move back to Hawkins without her?

She closed the door after he entered the room, he sat on the bed but she opted to sit on the floor, her back leaned against her bed and lay her head on her knees. It was silent for a few moments, both unsure what to say and both unsure how to express their feelings and concerns. Joyce startled slightly when she felt a hand being placed on her back, she couldn't hold back anymore. She turned around and wrapped her arms around him, enveloping him in the hug she had wanted to give him for months. His arms wrapped around her as she buried her head into his neck, letting out small sobs every few moments. He hated knowing she was crying, he hated knowing she was upset, it killed him because all he wanted to do was make her happy again.

"shh it's okay, i got you" he whispered into her ear, his hand rubbing circles on her back in an attempt to comfort her. A few minutes went by, Joyce's breathing had slowed and she had stopped crying. She sniffled quietly before pulling away from the hug and looking into his baby blues, how she'd missed that. "h-how long have you been back?" she asked, her voice still quiet and shaky. "a few weeks" he murmured, questioning if he should have even told her.

She stood up anger coursing through her veins, he had been back a few weeks and she wasn't told! He just shows up one night on her doorstep, no warning, no being told he was alive just a drop off at her doorstep. "you're an ass Jim Hopper" she yelled not caring if their kids heard her. "excuse me!" he shouted, matching her volume. "you're alive and you don't think to even tell me, instead you just show up on my fucking doorstep! Who does that?" she was backing further away from him, trying not to let him see she was on the brink of tears again. "my name wasn't cleared Joyce, what did you want me to do? Tell you i was alive and risk you being hunted by Russian soldiers? I don't think so, what kind of father would that make me?" he asked, lowering his voice slightly nearer the end of his sentence.

She didn't say a word, she had a feeling he wasn't finished talking and he wasn't. "believe me Joy there wasn't a day i didn't want to call you or tell you i was okay or just come home to you and El" he whispered moving towards her again. "i missed you too Hop" she whispered taking his face in her hands. He moved first, placing his lips on hers and kissing her passionately. Once they had parted for air a small smile spread across Joyce's lips, joining the blush that had grown on her cheeks.

"was- was that okay?" Hopper managed to say, still in shock at what had just happened. Before he got a worded answer from Joyce she had leaned in to kiss him again. It was like the world had stopped around them, they were untouchable and for the first time in a long time they were both truly happy. "a- are you staying here?" she whispered, anxiety coursing through her veins. Hopper nodded, "this may not be Hawkins but home is where the heart is." She smiled and he wrapped her in his arms, her head in the crook of his neck.

"hey, you okay?" Hopper asked as he felt Joyce's body trembling in his arms. "j- just don't leave again, please" she whispered, her voice desperate and filled with pain. "I'm not going anywhere, i promise" he said, pulling away from the hug and giving her a genuine look. "good because i can't deal with losing you again Hop, i mean that, i-" she paused feeling as if she shouldn't unload her problems onto him considering he had only just left a Russian torture prison. Hopper's gaze turned confused, "what? what is it?" he asked becoming concerned for her as she zoned out.

"i- i tried to kill myself Hop" she whispered, her voice numb and emotionless...

A/N ~ hey everyone, if you recognise this chapter its because i posted it as a one shot yesterday but i've decided to make it a story so stay tuned for updates <3