Conquering Nightmares of the Past

1. A Door Closes, A Window Opens

sadza ):

the email took an hour to make and then two hours to fucking put it in the fucking chapter. i crave death. please kill me

it is 2am

enjoy the fucking chapter ig

tw//death

i think that's it

I'm tired

bye bye

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The rain poured on him as he stood on the dull grass, like the sky was weeping along with everyone else.

The sky had no right to be weeping, it just gained one of the brightest stars in the universe.

Phil thought with misery about how beautiful the coffin suspended over a six-foot-deep hole was, though nothing could compare to the beauty within.

A beauty that would never shine in the light of day again.

Kristin was so incredible. She had so much love to give and so much kindness in her heart. She, out of everyone, didn't deserve to be lost so soon.

Phil looked up from the coffin at all the people gathered to mourn her devastating loss. As he scanned the crowd his saddened gaze fell on Sapnap. Bad and Skeppy had fostered him 6 years ago and adopted him 2 years after that. They looked so happy, even with such saddened expressions.

Kristin had wanted that. Always going on about how much she wanted kids and gushing to Phil about how perfect and incredible their children would be. She had always wanted to foster, saying she wanted to give a lost child a loving forever.

She never got the chance.

Phil wanted kids too but he didn't know how he was supposed to look into the pure and innocent eyes of a perfect little kid and not see Kristin staring back at him. How was he supposed to fulfill her greatest aspiration without thinking about her all of the time?

Phil didn't know if he could handle it.

His black suit was soaked with freezing cold water but he couldn't find it in himself to care as he looked back at the glossy cedarwood coffin and mourned the devastating loss of the amazing woman inside.

The warm tears falling down his cheeks were a strong contrast to the freezing rain dripping from his hair. The rain would do his hair some good, he hadn't washed it in a week. He couldn't find the energy to.

His mind wandered back to fostering and if he would be able to do it alone. Maybe one day he would. Maybe one day he would be able to grow the family that Kristin always wanted.

For now, though, Phil just wanted to grieve.

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BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

BE-

A hand slammed over the button on the dark green alarm clock on Phil's bedside table. The beeping being replaced with a groan, he rolled over to hug his wife, only to be greeted with an empty, cold space where she should be.

He sighed in sadness. What a wonderful start to the day.

As much as Phil wanted to lay in bed in darkness all day, he had to work. He lay there for a few seconds more before forcing himself out of the comfort and warmth of his bed and into the harsh realities of his day.