I stood for a minute, thinking over everything. I could've left. I still can, but I just can't open the door. You said you hated him. I do hate him. If I hate him why can't I leave him? I don't even know him. He kept me tied to a bed for a month and let me go only for a few days just to put me back over something stupid. He doesn't talk to me. He killed Cole. He killed Malcolm. And yet here I am. Not being able to leave him behind. Maybe it's because Cole and Malcolm are buried somewhere and I can't leave them. Stupid. That's not it. Something else. But I don't know what it is. Why can't I just go?!
I didn't even realize I had started crying. So many emotions are hitting me and the only one I know is anger. What are the other ones? They are unknown to me. This makes me even more upset. I can't figure myself out.
I end up with my back against the door, knees to my chest, head on my legs. I don't know how long I've been crying. But it's been long enough that my eyes are struggling to stay open. Don't go to sleep now. You have to deal with Brahms. He's done something to your emotions. I don't have the energy to get up. Now, I just want to sleep. Sleep and worry about it tomorrow. So, I close my eyes.
~~~
Brahms pov
After I left her standing there, I went back in the walls to my room. I knew she wouldn't leave me. I saw the look in her eyes, I've never seen her even glance at the door when I let her go the first time, that's how I knew.
"I hate you. Do you understand? I hate you Brahms!"
That's the last thing I wanted for her to say to me. Her voice keeps replaying in my mind from when she said that. She told me- the doll that she wouldn't leave. She cared for the doll. Why won't she care for me? You're a bad man. You aren't good enough for her. She will hate you--
I knock off things from a table, sending multiple things to break. Why wont my thoughts stop?
"I hate you Brahms!"
Stop.
"Do you understand? I hate you Brahms!"
Go away.
"I hate you for everything that--"
"I SAID TO STOP!" The table ends up across the room. Things knocked off shelves. Glass thrown.
I tried. I wanted to keep it together but I couldn't. They wouldn't stop. Maybe this will make it go away. It wants me to get mad. So I did. I gave in.
"I don't want to be here Brahms. I hate you."
"Stop..please stop...was that not enough? Why wont you just go away!" I dropped to my knees in tears. What's wrong with me? Why am I like this? I pull onto my hair and bend down until my head touches the floor in front of me. I just want to be okay. Why can't I be okay?
Mess. I made a mess. I lift my hand under my mask to wipe my tears. I stand and look around. I did all of this?
~~~
I cleaned up everything. I haven't had those thoughts since earlier.
Emersyn.
She has been real quiet since I walked away. Did she really leave me here? No, please. I need you here. I hurry out the wall and see her on the floor by the front door. Sigh. She's still here. But why is she still there? It's almost nine now.
"Emersyn?" She doesn't respond. Her breathing is steady, she's sleeping. Why here? On the floor? She'll be in pain when she awakens.
I pick her up, one arm under her neck and the other under her legs. She looks so peaceful. I begin going up the stairs and she moves in my arms, I look down at her, she looks confused.
"B-Brahms..where.." She starts but yawns. I can see how tired she is in her eyes.
"Shh, go back to sleep. It's okay."
She looks around. She has no idea where she is, and she can't keep her eyes open for long. She's exhausted, it's my fault, I shouldn't have---
"Where are you taking me?"
"Bed."
I reach her room and lay her on the bed and pull back the sheets from under her.
"I'm sorry for.." Her eyes close again.
It's not her fault. It's all mine. I don't want her to feel guilty, she shouldn't be worrying right now. She doesn't deserve it.
I pull the sheets over her. She's beautiful.
"I hate you."
No, not right now. Please not now.
I make sure she's comfortable and leave. They were gonna start again. I didn't want to black out like last time and not know what I'm doing. She needs sleep. She needs to be okay. She'll never forgive you. She will never love you. Leave me alone. Mom and dad hated you too. Stop it. You murdered Emily, because she wouldn't love you. No I didn't!
Pills. I need the pills. I reach my room and look through the cabinets. You were supposed to die in the fire. Found them. I open the bottle and take out a handful and shove them in my mouth and swallow. Then I lay down. Emersyn will leave you, just like mom and dad. Or you will murder her. You'll get annoyed and hurt her. Just like you did Emily. Then you'll be all alo--
Tiredness takes over.
~~~
Emersyn pov
I open my eyes and sunlight is quickly blinding me. I cover my face and sit up. Wait, how did I get here? I yawn. Wait. Brahms brought me here. I'm tied up aren't I? Please no. I look down at both my hands to see im free. I'm so confused.
"Brahms?"
Less than a minute and my door opens. He stands there and I can tell he is calm. Much more calm than yesterday. I don't have anything to say to him. I don't know why I would call his name for no reason.
"Are you okay?" Brahms, he asked if I was okay. I didn't know he was concerned for me. I didn't know he cared for me either. Yes you did. Don't deny.
"Y-Yeah..I just- my head is pounding a bit."
"There's a pill on the nightstand." He gestures to the nightstand and stays standing there.
"Thank you." I take it and swallow it and see Brahms still standing at the doorway.
"I didn't make breakfast today. I'm sorry I got up only 10 minutes ago." His voice is weird. Why does it sound so...not him.
"Brahms..are you okay?" I get out the bed and start to walk over to him, but he takes a few steps back.
"Brahms..? What is it?" I take another step but he backs up yet again.
"I don't want to hurt you."
YOU ARE READING
Brahms Heelshire
Fanfiction"What were you doing?" Deep and shaky. He is angry. I hear it in his voice. Why would I attempt something so stupid? "Brahms I-" I stop myself. I don't know what to say. I messed up. That's all I knew. "I'm sorry-" "BULLSHIT!" I'm thrown onto the...
