Brahms Heelshire

Chapter Thirteen

Cold. I'm freezing and can't see anything but darkness. Is this what death is? Just an endless darkness? But no, there's a light. A small bright light. There's no way, I can't die like this. There's nothing I can do but accept that I'm dead. The light gets closer. Bigger. It gets so close it's the only thing I see and then...a ceiling? I'm alive?

I dont move. I just stare. I'm confused. I thought I was dead. I'm supposed to be dead. Brahms. I hear his voice as he says my name. What happened?

He appears over me, without his mask, and uses his finger to move some loose strands of hair out my face. I'm still confused. What is going on?

Then it hits me.

We slept together. I woke up to him gone and I found him...he was talking crazy. He sliced my throat, but- how am I here? Was it a dream?

I continue looking at him. I don't know if I should be scared or not, I'm not even sure this is real.

"I'm so glad you're okay. I thought I would lose you." He lets out a breath and he's gone from my view. I don't move though. So this did happen then..?  I bring my hand up to my neck and there's a bandage. No. This didn't really happen. He didn't really try and kill me. I quickly try and sit up but hands on my shoulders push me back down and I can see Brahms again.

"Don't do that, you could hurt yourself. You lost a lot of blood. I was quick enough to stop your bleeding and stitch you up, but you're so pale from the blood loss." He tried to kill me. He ran that knife across my neck. 

I try to move again but I can't because his hands are stopping me. I sigh and stop trying and just lay down and he let's go. I should've left when I had the chance. He slept with me and then almost killed me. Now, I'm in his hands all over again. No more freedom. I'm trapped.

"Can you say something please? I-I don't know how deep I cut..I just want to make sure you can still talk, please? I want- need to hear your voice."

He's crazy. How can he even say that?  Too much is going on right now for me. I literally told him I loved him and he said it back. I thought we were okay but he turns around acting crazy again and slits my throat. I could've died. But I didn't, and now I'm his for the second time. Why didn't I just leave? How stupid can I be to fall in love with some murderous man who is supposed to be dead?

I just lay here, staring at the ceiling. I want him to leave. I hate myself for staying here. It disgusts me that I was in love with him and he tried to kill me.

"..please." His voice is strained. He's really acting as if he's hurt by this. I almost died. This is all his fault. I still don't move. Maybe he will understand and leave, which probably won't happen, but I wish it would. He sighs and the bed moves a little and it's as it dips but I'm near the edge so he can't be laying there. He must be leaning on it. Was he waiting here the whole time for me to wake up?

"Emersyn...I just want to make sure that you're okay..I'm sorry for what-"

I deeply sigh and close my eyes. I don't want to listen to his stupid apology. I'm glad he stops talking. The room fills with silence. He still doesn't leave. Just stays next to me, I'm assuming he's sitting on a chair next to the bed.

"Maybe you should try eating or drinking something."

I don't know why he considers that. He knows by now I'm not going to move. Not going to talk. And, definitely, not eat.

"..fine, I get it...but I need to change your bandages and I'll leave you alone."

Sigh. Why couldn't he just have let me die? I'm not ready for death, but if I have to be stuck with him and not able to do anything, dying seems like a good option.

"Emersyn." He sighs. "Don't make me have to baby you, I know you're in pain but I know you can at least sit up."

I honestly don't care what he does now. So I just lay here, waiting for him to do something. He wants me, so he can have me. It's not like I'm going to have any life anyways. I knew this was going to happen to me. Cole seems like a better option now. I wish I would've just stayed with--

I feel a grip under both my armpits and I'm pulled up to a sitting position and leaned against the headboard. Is he really going to clean them? Why can't he just kill me already?

I stare straight ahead as he takes off four big bandaids across my neck. I reach my hand up to feel it, the cut is just above my collarbone. There is no way it will stop me from being able to speak. I thought Brahms would know that, but I guess not.

He puts on new band aids after wiping a washcloth over my cut, which hurt badly but I hid my pain. I don't want him all over me trying to make me feel better or apologizing because it isn't going to work.

He surprisingly left after he finished. Well, after forcing me back to lay down. I'm not tired. Not very energetic either. I feel..empty. Lonely. Strange. Out of place.

~~~

Flashback

"Cole, what are you doing?" I giggled. He was behind me covering my eyes and slowly leading me into our house.

"Hang on, you'll see." As I obviously knew how to get around the house even with my eyes closed, I knew we were in the kitchen. Whatever was in there smelt good.

"Okay, now you can look." He removed his hands and I looked around to see candles lit around the room and my eyes travelled to the table to see our favorite dinner, spaghetti. We always got spaghetti when we went on dates. I don't know why, but it's our thing. There were flowers on the table and rose petals all over the room. And my favorite dessert, chocolate cake, was also on the table.

"Coleee, when did you get the time to do all of this?" I turned around to face him, wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled.

"That's a secret I'll never tell." He grins before leaning in to kiss me before we both sat down at the table.

"You're so good to me." I took a fork full of spaghetti and put it in my mouth.

"The best for my baby." He smiled at me. "I love you Emersyn."

I smiled. "I love you too, but this spaghetti..I might love it more."

We both burst into laughter.

~~~

I miss those times, the first year of Cole's and I's relationship. I wish I could go back, fix whatever I had done wrong. Or find out what happened to him and fix him before he broke. Then, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be stuck in a mansion with a murderer who almost killed me and is now trying to treat me nicely. 

Maybe if I ignore Brahms enough, he will leave me alone forever. Maybe he will kill me for it. Or just let me go and be free.

I could always kill myself.