I know it has only been a month since I've let a man touch me. Brahms really messed me up. Maybe that's why I allowed myself to get butterflies when Jackson put his hand on my thigh a few moments ago. I've always wanted someone to care about me and be gentle with me.
Cole and Brahms only showed that to me a handful of times. And the context of it wasn't the best either. But Jackson, he's been nothing but nice to me. I could give him a chance. I need to get Brahms out of my head, so why not let Jackson be my distraction?
"Jackson?"
"Hmm?" He turns to look at me.
"You know you are the first guy to actually be nice to me?" I lift my head from his shoulder.
"Really?"
"Mhm...my last relationship was just....chaotic" you loved him. No I didn't.
"How so?" His thumb now rubs back and forth on my thigh.
"We didn't necessarily get off to a good start...but over time everything was fine, he would lash out every once and a while...and it was all good until the end. I had taken enough of it and left." You stabbed him in the stomach and left him to die.
"What...type of things..would he do?" He sounds almost..scared to ask me.
"Yelled..mostly" I whisper the last part, remembering some things that he did.
~~~
Flashback
"Brahms I-" I stop myself. I didn't know what to say. I messed up. That's all I knew. "I'm sorry-"
"BULLSHIT!" I was thrown onto the couch.
~~~
I close my eyes and inhale, trying to forget.
"Mostly...so what about the other times?"
He knows what he did. I wonder if he just wants me to say it, to see if I trust him enough.
"Got a bit..handsy...never left bruises or anything."
~~~
Flashback
Suddenly the air was knocked out my throat. I felt pain. No. No, no, no. He did it. I grasped onto my neck and felt my blood cover my hands. I tried to inhale. To breathe. To get any air at all. But I barely got anything.
~~~
"But it scared you away?"
"Well..he was just aggressive but it was never bad...I needed to get away before it got worse."
"Is it okay if I...we try?"
"What do you mean?" I turn and look at him. "Like...date?"
"Yeah..if that's okay with you. I'm sure you've realized that I've had this crush on you since we met."
"Oh a crush? Are we back in middle school?"
We both laugh.
"But seriously Emmy...I want to show you that I'm good, that I won't hurt-"
"Don't say it. If you say it then...you'll go against it"
~~~
Flashback
"It's not my intention to hurt you, I never plan to cause you any sort of pain. But you have to behave. Understand?"
~~~
"Okay," he inhales then exhales. Not in an annoyed way, he seems like he is just thinking. "Then I won't."
"But..can we try..?" He moves his hand that from my thigh and holds my hand. I swallow and look down at his hand intertwined with mine. Not going to lie, I'm scared. All guys say they won't hurt you, and they always do. But Cole was an alcoholic and Brahms was a murderer. Jackson is a normal guy.
"Yeah, we can try..but if it doesn't work....we will still be friends right?"
"Always" he smiles at me and kisses my cheek.
We both look back at the tv. I put my head back on his shoulder with a smile on my face.
Maybe this is is just what I need.
YOU ARE READING
Brahms Heelshire
Fanfiction"What were you doing?" Deep and shaky. He is angry. I hear it in his voice. Why would I attempt something so stupid? "Brahms I-" I stop myself. I don't know what to say. I messed up. That's all I knew. "I'm sorry-" "BULLSHIT!" I'm thrown onto the...
