Ashore

3: Connection

TW: panic attacks, fainting
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"Well, here's my home..." Ranboo smiles and tells me when he opens the doors of a hut.
It smells like fresh pinewood, a hint of baked bread floating around the house. Everything is so neat- tablecloths, sofas- one word: homely.
My old home was the complete opposite of 'homely'.

Also, normally, people would comment something like 'Your house is beautiful!' or 'Thanks for having me!' but when I try to do that- try to be normal- it comes again. Heart pounds, throat tightens into a narrow corridor. Even my eyes sting, I mentally punch myself  harder than Tommy can, and picture myself falling.
Falling, falling... Down a bridge- Galaxius screaming- and I keep running- voices. Too many of them. So much screaming. Covering my ears...
Impact. Water. Breath. No breath. Falling... Struggling... Drowning...
"Aster! Its going to be okay, come on."
Ranboo's voice strings me back to earth, just slightly.
"It's going to be okay. Let's breathe together okay? Hold my hand." I follow his instructions. His hand is cold, is he even human?

The coldness of his hands takes me away from my traumatic thoughts, and finally I'm able to breathe.
I feel exhausted.
Why does this have to happen? I don't even know what that was, I'm just... Always imagining, remembering, things. Bad things. And it replays in my mind until my stupid brain thinks it's real and tries to kill me. Me.
I'm drifting from reality, again. But again I say, it's a force beyond my control. The drifting. Sometimes I just want my brain to shut off. It races at a hundred miles per minute, gives my headaches...
"Hey. You're drifting again. Don't worry okay, I'll just get you a drink." Ranboo smiles and pats my shoulder before standing up- I just realised, he is unbelievably tall- and heads to the kitchen.
I find myself subconsciously smiling. That smile- he just... Seemed to understand. Understand my... Problems. Has he had them before? The stupid games my brain plays with me?
My thoughts are thankfully interrupted my Ranboo handing me an ice cold drink. I sip it- honey with lemon juice. Refreshing.
"This is amazing, thanks." I murmur. Of course now the bubble, my throat loosens. Wow.
"Welcome! Anyways, make yourself at home."
A nod and a smile would suffice as a reply.
-
"Okay, now that you're staying here, you've gotta learn some fighting skills. But before that, I'll introduce you to Wil!" Tommy exclaims in excitement and without my warning, drags me along by the wrist.
Tubbo notices my confused expression and adds, "Tommy's brother." I nod in response.
Yes or no questions are one of the best things in this world. And to whoever invented nodding and shaking your head, hats off.

Halfway running, I realise that this is so... weird. I haven't really got a False Alarm- what I call panic attacks- yet. I usually got them everyday. Maybe it's Tubbo, or Ranboo, or Tommy? Or this... L'manberg in general?
"Will Gold! Meet my- our new friend!" bursting into a room that had huge grand doors, tommy yells and pushes the back of a guy much taller than him- almost making him fall.
"Tommy! Stop fuckin doing that, and don't call me that. Hi." The guy- Will?- turns around and waves at me. I wave back and force a smile. Meeting new people was hard, except for meeting the three of them when I was washed ashore. That was an unusual occurrence.
"I mean, 'Gold' sounds way more cool than shitting 'Soot'! Anyways, Wil, this is Aster. Aster, this is Wilbur Soot. You can call him Wil." he emphasises the 'Soot' and rolls his eyes.
"So uh... Tommy, I've been busy, okay? Get out." Wilbur says in a fake-annoyed tone.
"You've been working all day! You used to have time, what happened?" Tommy replies. Tubbo and Ranboo both shift uncomfortably. Meanwhile, my throat has loosened and the bubble has popped. I need to say something.
"Tommy, Dad has just been... Giving me more work. Making me more independent. You do remember I have to take over the throne when he.. Resigns, right?" Wilbur stands up from his chair and ruffles Tommy's blond curls. He smiles, but it's fake- I can tell after looking at myself in the mirror and looking at my fake smile for an hour- and he's lying. I can feel it, he's sweating, nervous, screaming on the inside. Stressed.
Tommy rolls his eyes again and curses under his breath before opening the door to the balcony. He takes in a deep breath and calms down, and mutters to wilbur, telling him to do so too.
Wilbur reluctantly agrees and takes in a deep breath of fresh air. The magic takes place- his muscles relax, breath slows, insider screaming quietens.
The sunset creates an outline of the two in the balcony- sunlight glowing on Wilbur's deep, brown hair and Tommy's curls.
And the softened look on Wilbur's eyes as he silently stood abit behind Tommy- it was so... Loving.
Their connection was so strong. No one, nothing, could separate them.