Wrapped Up Feelings

Just healing I guess.

I just wanted to give him the love I wasn't able to give myself. I wanted him to be happy with me.  Now because I wasn't able to love myself properly I have to live without him and be okay with it. I have to be okay with leaving behind the only person who made me love life more everyday. I have to be okay with him not wanting me in his life anymore. I have to be okay with being alone. I have to choose myself because he didn't. I have to learn how to love life by myself. He gave me happiness I didn't think I would've been able to experience in this life. Now I have to let go of him and our memories because they no longer serve me they only exalt the pain I'm feeling further. I wanted to build a life with him. I now have to transform the pain I feel into something great. I have to leave the old me to allow the new me to flourish and live out her life's purpose. I'm scared because I don't who I am without me. I loved me when I was with him because I actually opened my self up so I could have the love I always wanted to experience with someone. There's no coming back from this and it's what hurts the most. I just want to go back to the comfort of his arms and forget about everything; but I can't. I'm starting to think now it was all just one sided and he just played his part too well. I was his distraction from life while he was the one who helped me experience it. He's okay and I'm not. He's free while I'm stuck and breaking each time I try to get up. He's out loving other people; while I'm crying over how badly I love him. He didn't break me he just tore a piece of my soul apart. I trusted him. it took a lot for me to do so. I wish I was able to love properly. I get attached so easily and then I get jealous and my feelings end up clouding my judgment. I wish I didn't have to let go but I know if I don't it'll do more damage then good. "Loving you is my greatest sin". I don't know how to do this healing thing.