Trigger warning: there will be mention of suicide, blood,self harm, drugs and panic attack
Sherlock's pov/
After John jumped on me for at least third time this evening Mary finaly managed to calm him down. I get it he is mad but I had no choice. The only ones who knew were my parents, Moly and Mycroft. I didn't even told y/n and she is my girlfriend. Or was. I didn't saw her in two years. She propably moved on by now like John did. But I had to see her. She was the only thing that helped me escape from myself. I was thinking of how she made me take her on a date, or how we watched movies cuddled up at couch after I solved my case. How her body felt on mine when she was sleeping on my chest. I missed all those things, but most important...I missed her.
„ John where is y/n? I need to see her." I asked standing up from chair prepared to put on my coat when John spoke.
„ Mrs. Hudson is watching her in your flat..." John spoke quietly looking at the ground. Mary put her hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him I suppose. But why?
„ Why is she watching her? Y/N's adult, she doesn't need supervision." I chuckled lightly trying to ease the tension a bit, but my smile faded as soon as John and Mary looked me in the eyes. „ What? What is it?"
„You should know something..." John started. I was impatient so I interupted him impatiently.
„ What? Does she have boyfriend? She does, doesn't she?"
„ Oh for god's sake just let me speak!" John shouted shutting me off. „ No, she does not have a boyfriend..." He gulped and continued. „ Since she saw you on that street, she left house just few times...and only to go to your grave."
„ What...?" I asked in disbelieve. I felt so bad for leting her go through something that wasn't even truth.
„ She left the flat only to go to your grave....We once even found her sleeping there on the ground. I never saw her like this. She started taking....and even tried suicide several times. That's why is Mrs. Hudson with her right now. After work me and Mary usually look after her for a few hours. She is either taking, hurting herself or crying in the bed all day. First weeks after your death noone could get her to eat.... She is really broken." By now tears were soaking my cheeks. My love, my darling, the most important person in my life was hurting because of me and I didn't even had the slightest clue. I made note to kill Mycroft for not telling me this. I rushed out of the building with John and Mary closely behind me and took a cab to Baker Street. I had to see her, I had to help her, I had to make sure she won't be in pain anymore. As soon as we arived I rushed inside hearing voice of Mrs. Hudson. I ran upstairs and saw her standing by my bedroom door. The door was closed and she was trying to open them. Shit! Y/N was propably in there. That wasn't good. I quickly walked in their direction when Mrs. Hudson turned to look at me. Her eyes opened widely from shock.
„ S-Sherlock? Is it really...Is it really you dear?" She stuttered.
„ Yes it is. And now step aside."
„ But how-?"
„ I will explain later. Now please move." I sayed and grabbed the handle to open the door. It was locked.
„ Mrs. Hudson please just leave me be..." Y/n sobbed quietly from behind the other side of the door.
„ Darling it's not Mrs. Hudson,... it's me Sherlock." I sayed hoping she would open the door.
„ Very funny John. You really do think I'll believe you this don't you?" She sayed sarcasticaly.
„ Y/n this isn't a joke. Please open up."
