fear love² | rafe cameron

one

»At least we are under the same moon«
                                                           -Grace Shoupe

STILL LYING ON THE COOL, muddy ground where I broke down some time ago because I don't know how to cope with the fact that an ocean will now separate me and Rafe and I have no idea if or when we will ever see each other again.

He was my first real love and now he was gone. I felt like Rafe had been my perspective for the future. I wanted to spend every second with him and now that won't be possible.

My whole body ached. Sometimes I felt like I wasn't breathing and I would pull my sweater off my neck in a panic to hastily gasp for air. With every breath that was difficult, my heart hurt even more. As if it was stuck.

My whole body was shaking. I don't know if it was the cold or the knowledge that Rafe had to leave the island.

Not a single tear left my eyes and yet I had the feeling that tears were running down my cheeks until I realized that it was the rain that was beating down on me, getting harder with each passing moment.

Carefully, I propped my arms on the muddy ground and sat upright. All my clothes were completely dirty and my hair was wet from the rain.

On my sweater hung individual leaves, which I took off, also in my hair hung any old leaves or buds, which until just now lay on the ground.

But suddenly I realized that the gold ring Rafe gave me before he left was no longer on my finger.

Panic in the form of heat, flooded my entire body, my cheeks began to tingle and I hastily searched the floor.

I took my cell phone out of my pocket and turned on the flashlight to see the ground better, because it was hard to see everything clearly through the dense gray rain clouds.
»Where the fuck are you?« I muttered to the ring and sniffled.

I swept away the foliage with my hand until the golden ring reflected through the light of the flashlight. I scrambled over to the ring and slipped it over my thumb, where it happened to fit perfectly.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I had the ring back on me.

I was startled by a loud thunder and ran as fast as I could to the car, which belonged to my stepmother.
When I sat in the car, the rain pattered so dolle on the windshield that not even the wipers helped more and I could see only with difficulty what.

Through the rearview mirror I realized how bad I looked. My eyes were red from crying, my lips dry and purple from the cold.
I wiped my face with my sweater to get rid of the wetness of the rain and the earth.

Sniffling, I drove from the driveway toward figure eight and all of a sudden I got the idea to call Barry.

I forced myself to blame him for Rafe doing all of this and I had to take my anger out on someone, which was definitely not the right decision right now but who was going to stop me?

Rafe was the only one who could break through to me and completely control me but he was gone now but what only made me more angry and scared was that I didn't know where he was and if he was okay.

I picked up my phone and unlocked it while I kept watching the traffic and then looked back down at my phone.

»Answer the fucking call, asshole« I waited for him to pick up and nervously fumbled with my fingers on the steering wheel.