Journal Entry 5:
I was right. There were rumors spreading around the school. Some guy wrote on my locker. That was low. I got so mad, I punched my locker and dented it. I cursed through my teeth and moved on with my classes. Sanji completely ignored me and blushed whenever I got near him. I couldn't focus and none of the guys on my fencing team would fight me. I got mad and I went home. I felt like crap. I flopped onto my bed and cursed into my pillow while I began to cry. I got flustered and I felt like I should kill myself. Then I got a text message.
Nami: hey zolo
Zolo: yea nami?
Nami: sanji wants ur number and i wanted to know if it was ok if i gave him ur number
I was shocked. I really wanted to but, something told me that he might just bully me. Another part of me, however, said that he might want to be my friend... or maybe something more... I decided to go with my gut feeling.
Zolo: sure
Nami: gr8!
Nami: he said he'll text u in a few
Nami: bye
Zolo: bye
I felt my heart thumping against my chest and I just didn't know what to do. Then my phone buzzed and the world seemed very far away and distant. I picked up my phone and looked at the text.
Sanji: hey there zolo
Sanji: its me sanji
I felt a fluttering in my chest and smiled to myself a bit.
Zolo: hey sanji
Sanji: so wuts up w/u?
Zolo: nothin much i guess...
Zolo: wbu?
Sanji: ????
Zolo: what about u?
Sanji: oh nm
Sanji: uhm about yesterday?
Zolo: oh that i wuz seriously buzzed...
Zolo: more than buzzed tbh
Sanji: oh ok...
Sanji: for a sec i thought u were gay XD
I felt my stomach get queazy. 'You don't even know...' I thought to myself.
Zolo: yea...
Sanji: u ok bro?
I felt my heart flutter and I began to get anxious. I gripped my phone tighter when my palms became sweaty. "Dammit..." i said to myself as I wiped off my hands
Zolo: uh yeah i guess man
Sanji: hey bro, we fight a lot, but ur still my bro
I felt somehow touched by this. I smiled a bit to myself again.
Zolo: aww you care!
Sanji: shut up, but yea i do
I felt my heart thump against my chest.
Zolo: im rlly touched you care
Sanji: stop being such a smartass
Zolo: im being honest!
Sanji: really?
Zolo: yea im really touched u care
Zolo: bc
Zolo: i care about you too...
Sanji: uh ok i guess...
I didn't know if i could tell him... I felt that I should... maybe him saying that he cares about me was his way of saying "I love you too." It was a chance I had to take.
Zolo: hey sanji, can i tell you something?
Sanji: sure.
The world felt distant again and I just closed my eyes and breathed.
Zolo: I'm gay for you Sanji.
Zolo: I'm sorry was that a bit much?
Sanji: i thought you were ok Zolo
Sanji: now i see that i was horribly wrong.
Sanji: you are such a bitch. How DARE you play with my feelings like that you fucking mosshead.
I felt as though my heart was wrentched out of my body, but I also felt blind fury.
Zolo: wow fuck you too crappy cook
Zolo: i thought that maybe you'd be cool with this, maybe you'd feel the same way, but no.
Zolo: you just have to be a big bitch about everything.
Zolo: well fine then.
Zolo: see you tomorrow you bastard.
I slammed my phone down hard and clutched my head. "God dammit..." I said through gritted teeth. I felt tears slip through my eyes and I just wanted to die in a hole. I still want to just die in a hole. Maybe I should just kill myself, it's obvious that no one loves me...
-Zolo
