Superposition (Starting Position Sequel)

Chapter 20

I didn't sleep that night. Or the night after. Or the following night. It was like I was cramming for finals all over again, except no studying occurred during these sleepless nights. Elliot plagued my mind. I couldn't escape her image, her scent, or the feel of her skin against my own. I ended things with her to let her leave and find what she deserved, but the apparent flaw in my plan was that she wouldn't leave me. Every time I thought I successfully distracted myself, she returned; the nights were the worst.

I had been confident in my decision when I left her bedroom. She was meant to be with someone much greater than I could ever be, so why was it that I was feeling this remorse? I knew I wasn't good enough for her, and I knew she would someday see this. More time, I decided, was what I needed for her image, touch, and scent to fade.

The thought made me nauseous.

Three days passed since that night in her bedroom, and it had been the longest three days of my life. Campus was big, but it wasn't that big, and sooner or later, I knew I was bound to run into Elliot.

That day was apparently today.

Elliot was standing along the wall inside the main building, digging around in her book bag. Her long hair was pulled halfway back and caught a gleam of light. People milled around her, causing her form to disappear and reappear periodically. My feet didn't stop moving; it was like I was in a trance, and they continued moving me closer to her.

Her face lifted and it only took a second for her chocolate eyes to land on mine. I gulped back something awful, yet I was still unable to break contact. She stood frozen in place, her mouth slack. There were about fifteen feet dividing us, and at that moment, it seemed like nothing. I should go to her, tell her how wrong I was, and ask her to forgive me, but that was weakness talking. I had done the right thing, and though it hurt in ways I never thought it could, I held to the promise that the pain would eventually subside; once Elliot moved on and was with someone who made her happy, I'd be free, because then she'd realize what she had been missing, and that would put an end to it for both of us.

Elliot pushed back the strands framing her delicate face, started, and then opened her mouth as though to say something. But there was still too much distance between us, and I clung to that. My feet finally obeyed, and I darted down the adjacent hallway, because I knew if I took another step in her direction, there would be no escaping her gravity.

Feeling as though weight was strapped to my shoulders, I continued walking down the hallway, oblivious to my surroundings.

I made the right decision, I told myself, because the alternative was too much to think about right now.

xxx

Tonight was the first Chem Trails meeting. At fifteen until seven that evening, I departed my bedroom – avoiding the prying looks from my roommates as they knew something had happened between Elliot and me – put on a heavy jacket, and slipped out the door. It was completely dark outside, and the sidewalk was lit only by the overhead streetlights. Entering the science building was simultaneously comforting and unnerving; it was warm inside and my body relaxed, but it was completely empty, which felt a bit eerie.

Traipsing my way to my physical lab class, I knocked on the door, heard a shuffle, and then watched as the door slowly cracked open. Professor Ashford's voice slipped through, "Password?"

Sheepishly, I answered, "Orange Julius," the door swung open fully, and I met Ashford's lined and chaotic face as he peered at me from behind thick glasses.

"You made it," he said. "Come in. Everyone else is here."

I hadn't been nervous before, but I definitely was now. As I stepped through the doorway, I was met with the stares of seven other people who were huddled at the top corner of the classroom closest to Ashford's desk.