Superposition (Starting Position Sequel)

Chapter 19

I knocked three times on Elliot's door with my hands shaking uncontrollably. They usually shook, but they were shaking for an entirely different reason tonight. The two of us hadn't seen much of each other the weekend; Elliot was participating in two-a-days for her first track meet this week, and I had been swamped with homework. Okay, that was a lie. I had been swamped with thinking about tonight, though I didn't lend that bit to Elliot.

She opened the door. It was freezing and whereas my breath had been visible, it was no longer. Inside the door, Elliot stood in a pair of jeans and t-shirt with a cardigan draping over one shoulder. Her hair was down and framed her face, which bore an expression similar to the time we first kissed on her porch. She looked like Elliot, like my Elliot, and it baffled me. I didn't understand how she was mine.

"Come in. It's freezing," she said, standing aside.

I did, my skin already warming from the sight of her. "You look nice."

She smiled. "So do you."

I glanced down. I was wearing a pair of jeans and hoodie and was in the process of removing my heavy, insulated jacket. "You look better."

She drew close, and her scent filled my nose. "It's been really weird having everyone gone."

"Yeah?" I said. "I can imagine. Although, I bet you've enjoyed having the privacy to make up for all the conversations you missed with Mr. Shelton."

She nudged me. "He missed me."

"Not as much as you missed him," I teased.

"Definitely not."

Her brown eyes were on mine again – warm and searching. I wanted to fall into them. They had been the first thing I noticed about her, as their depth was incomprehensible, and in this moment, I wondered what was going on behind them.

"Do you want something to drink?" she asked.

"No." I cleared my throat. "No, thanks. I'm okay – good."

A faint smile filled her mouth. "Good."

A thought struck me in that moment. "When did you know, Elliot?"

"When did I know what?" She was so close to me.

"When did you know you had feelings for me?"

She studied me carefully, her eyes somehow deepening. "You've never asked me that before." Biting her lip, she said, "I don't know, honestly. I think it happened way before I was conscious of it." She paused. "But, really, Ben, I remember thinking of you constantly after that first run we took together." She paused. "What about for you?"

I smiled faintly. "Elliot, I liked you the second I found out you'd read every single book on that list."

Her mouth downturned. "I don't know why it took me so long, Ben. Looking back, I should have known after the first time we met in the library."

I know why, I thought. I knew the exact reason.

And though I tried to turn the little voice in my head off, I failed.

It was because of my CP. If I didn't have CP, Elliot would have looked at me differently when we first met. If I didn't have CP, she wouldn't have fought her feelings so much. If I didn't have CP, I would be a much more confident person.

Yet there was another voice coming somewhere in the depths of my mind, and it was telling me that this wasn't Elliot. Elliot wouldn't do that, but for whatever reason, I was able to shut that voice up.

"You just had to come around to all this, that's all," I said jokingly while motioning to myself.

She didn't laugh and her frown persisted. "Ben, don't."