TABOO (slow updates)

F O U R

His hand rips away from me as some war like whistling howls from atop some trees. He curses underneath his breath and shakes his head. Then frantically whips his head towards me.

"Hide," a single word was able to make panic blur my vision and the shrill whisper that came out from his lips made blood pump in my ears. I could almost feel it pushing against my bones, rushing as if it wanted to flee from my body. I put my hands on my ears and close my eyes that were dotted with mirages. What was going on? Was I going to die? Suddenly the panic seemed to fade at that last thought and I tried nudging it back, but it was gone. The blood was flowing normally again and contently in its cage.

"We are going to die?" Masud shakes his head again and gives me a slight smile before pushing me behind a bush.

"You don't seem scared of dying?" Maybe I'd get to be in a happy place with my mom if I did. I push the thought away quickly. No, no, no, mom would have wanted me here! Right here! Dying hurts, living is...nice. Like right now! In the woods, not knowing why people were whistling and why I was being pushed behind a bush but I should be embracing the thrill, embracing life.

"I am," he nods and walks away from me.

I peek from the bushes, a mass of blonde hair and the same uniform my dad used to wear before he got promoted caught my eyes. From the hushed whispers going on between them I knew their meeting was a secret, a sin actually in this community. Why would they possibly meet in the forest out of all places through some sort of secret shrill whisper?

I try to move closer to hear more of this secret conversation but it was like Masud knew exactly what I was trying to do and his head whipped around and his eyes burnt into mine, freezing me on the spot yet his mouth still moving as he continued to converse with this strange lieutenant and continuing his Medusa effect on me. My bodily functions swarm back in and the Medusa effect is broken as I hide back behind the bush.

What was going on? Was whatever they were conversing about illegal thats why they had a secret meeting? Prohibited even? Was it even safe to be out with Masud here? Was he even a good person? Someone who conducted secret conversations with a lieutenant with clear moral issues. I close my eyes to try to clear the thoughts that violently thumped in my head, each a jumble of a bigger puzzle I couldn't possibly solve and one which was indefinitely eating me inside.

The path created by footsteps on dried grass seemed inviting, it wasn't safe for me here and I could make a move if I acted fast. I could run, I was relatively fast and I would have a head start. I peek from the bush again, they might not even notice me as their conversation seemed to be too thought consuming. Thanks to the eyebrow furrow on Masud's face.

I breath in,

1, crawl silently out from the hideout.
They were still talking, not hearing that I was making my escape.
2, hold your breath.
I was breathing too rapidly but for some reason this felt like a life or death situation and I had to get out of here.
3, final breath, stand up quickly and Ru-

I am pulled back by a strong force towards a hard surface that makes me oomph. My hand twisted behind my back just how my face was twisted in agony. They were going to kill me, I was going to see my mom but now that it was not an option it didn't feel all that calming. All those self defence classes that I had for 12 years flew out the window, I couldn't even break off from his hold because of the fear burying them away.

"Please let me go," I breath out, trembling fear in my voice and a small wetness forming between my thighs. This was embarrassing, I had been trained like a soldier by dad and this was how I respond to fear!? I was going to die whilst having embarrassed myself in front of my killers and embarrassed at myself that I could fight substantially during training but couldn't utilise those skills when I actually needed them.