The mirror behind me

Chapter 6

It is now the year 2000, His friend and I are still close. My Two oldest children are grown and doing their thing. My youngest son is still in Fort Worth. It was a year or so later when I sent for him to come back to Austin, to live with his sister ,I made arrangements for her to receive his survivor benefits, to help take care of him. He was in high school at the time.

Although I was still in my addiction, I made effort to be there for him. Sometime later, I was told I was about to be a grandmother. Nine months or so later my daughter gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Because she was a single mother, I assured her I would be there for her.

I actually was looking forward to being a grandmother. Because of some strange things that happen before I moved in with her.

My brother had moved into the Kensington Apartments, off of Manor Rd. I was with my friend whom I met at the time I got married. I took her to meet my brother there at his apartment, we were quoting the Bible. When out of nowhere, She started speaking in what they call tongue. I had no idea what she was saying. I was afraid at the same time. I wanted to stop her. No, he said. Leave her be.

A week later my brother and I were in his apartment. he brought up my last visit when my friend and I were over. Again we were quoting the bible. We were on the same page for a minute, until the strangest thing happened. he said in a very strange voice, while I was quoting the bible. Don't disrespect. my bible like that. I looked over at him.

His eyes had an evil look in them. I began to read the bible, in a form of defense. As I read it, I realize the words were all wrong. They spoke against the birth of Jesus. My brother on the other hand, was gloating and smiling. I knew then that I was in the presence of evil, which course was night mentally my brother at the time. So I grabbed my purse and ran out of the apartment. because he had picked me up, I had to walk away. Being afraid he was going to follow me in his car, I ran to his car, took the small blade I had in my purse, and slashed his tires.

I walked away very fast. When I made it to my destination, which wasn't far from my brothers

apartment. I stopped at the store. Why in the store, I bumped into a man there, that was not someone I have ever gotten along with. We had our difference. What surprised me is, he was not his normal self. He spoke to me, asked how I was doing?

I have a room next door, he said. Would you like to join me for a drink? As I said, the two of us didn't get along at times. So Im wondering, would this be a good idea. He assured me everything would be fine. We walked to his room, which was next door to the store. He fixed us drinks, and then we looked at each other and laughed. We were both amazed, normally we would have been at each other throats. After about an hour into my visit. He had somewhere to go. He said I was welcome to stay. Not having anywhere pacifically to go, I stayed.

I began to think about the things that happened earlier with my brother. But most of all, I thanked God. Because he sent me someone to look after me, and I know it was God. Because there's no way I would have gone into a room, with that guy. But at that time, he was my best friend. The subject of what happened at my brothers was never spoken of again. I don't think he would have remembered it anyway.

The gentlemen from the store, never bought up that particular time he invited me to his room. And that was strange. So it's as if these things did not occur. All I knew is it wasn't normal. I began to replay the incident I experience as a child. I looked around me and thought about my way of living. I had fallen so far away from Christ, that the Devil was getting closer to defeat. At this time, I knew something had to change.

The feeling of being haunted all over again was there. I told myself that I would stop smoking. I did great for about a week. But I had no direction in my life. So I started smoking again. Im no longer hanging on Manor Road. Im now in a neighborhood called Rosewood. Beverly, my recently meet friend, since my husband's died, became my closest friend. She lived in the Rosewood area, with her friend He was an older gentleman. They lived in a circle up on the hill, from the Rosewood Projects. I spent a lot of time there with them. One evening I was sitting in their living room when I had a strange feeling. She was in the bedroom asleep. I had just awakened myself. When I looked over at the T.V. The television was off. But I saw activity on the screen.

I saw a violet scene of a man killing his wife. I was startled. That was the first and last time I experienced that. I made it a point not to ever stare at the television if it wasn't on. I didn't say anything to her about what I had seen. But I did ask Mr. him when he had returned from fishing.

What's the history of this house? I asked him. Oh, a man killed his wife in this house he said. That's why it was just sitting here for a while, he said. I talked the man into renting it out since he had a hard time selling it.
he asked about my friend,She was still asleep I said. I stayed there long enough to help him with the fish and help fry it. By then she had awakened. It was dark when I left there.

Somehow I can always feel when Im about to see things, the naked eye couldn't. As I walked down the road toward the store. I looked up in the trees and saw black men hanging from the trees. Oh my God, I said, I continue to walk. Suddenly I say this red, flashing like a beam. It was not in the sky. Just higher than me.

After I have gotten on the main Rd. which was Chicon. Headed toward the store farther up. I looked up and it was still there as if it was following me. I began to pray, asking for some sort of understanding. Because no one saw this but me.

I was told by a stranger, that walked up to me, and said, You stand out around here. Meaning I didn't fit in. On 12th street, that is. Which was where all the dealers and smokers were.

So as I made it to the Store, I notice it was crowded, more like a block party. I recognize one of the dealers, I had recently done a transaction with him, and later notice I had given him too much money. So I went to approach him, and he looked at me and yelled, keep her away from me.I had no idea why he would be afraid of me. So I yelled and said, hey I need to talk to you. And then the strangest thing happened. I saw death on him. I walked away and prayed about it. Hoping this wasn't happening.

A week later I heard about him dying in an altercation with the police. I felt so bad. I didn't tell anyone at that time about it. Until sometime later. Months went by. Im struggling. doing my best to be there for my daughter. She came to me the day and gave me some money to pay the light bill. Being in my addiction, my first thought was to flip the money. I went in the hood and with good intentions, I put effort into flipping the money. Sadly to say, it didn't work.

I didn't know what to do. It was time to put my faith in God. So I prayed and asked God to fix it. I was too shameful to let Monica know what I had done. But I reminded myself that I had asked the Lord to intervene. Days went by. Weeks went by. Finally, a month had passed.

The lights were never turned off. That was a lesson learned. I thanked God constantly. Monica never received a cut-off notice. I knew not to try that again. God has been good to me.

I have a grandson, he and my first granddaughter was born around the same time. His mom lived in Giddings, so I didn't see much of him. His father is my son Antwan. Years later my daughter had a baby girl. With two children she took the initiative to secure their future. I admired her for that. She enrolled in school as Medical assistance. I wanted very much to see her succeed. I was proud of being able to be there for her. I would walk Brittney to and from school, as I pushed her stroller. I actually enjoyed it.

On the weekends I would catch the bus to the eastside. I guess you could say I didn't see much of a future for myself, at the time. So I concentrated on seeing her be successful. My boys, on the other hand, were beings boys. They made some bad choices at the time. But I felt I was in no condition to give advice. Just as I was beginning to stray away from my addiction. I met a man that lived in the same complex. Wouldnt you know it, he too was addicted. It was as though this habit followed me, each and every turn I made.

I regretted the choices I made in life. Things would have turned out a lot better if it wasn't for my addiction. I could have been someone, that could have influenced my boys to make better choices and on a better path myself.

As I look back on those days, Im surprised I'm still here. Some very bad things happened to me over the years. By the grace of God, I survived.