The mirror behind me

Chapter 9

It's the end of the year 2019. My grandchildren have their apartment. We all decided to get our place, Im in the process of moving into my apartment also. But until I do, Im living in the girls' spare room. It was three weeks later when I moved into my apartment.

It's the Holiday season. Christmas has now passed, and the new year is here.2020 it would be. I was so excited. After a week of just watching T.V and getting my apartment together, I started to get bored. Im so used to someone always being around. The quiet life, sort of getting to me, and I didn't know how to keep myself entertained. So I would take a ride to Austin.

Things have changed since last year. When I returned to Austin, I was told everyone was now on Rosewood, under the tree, in the lot, next to the store. So I went to Rosewood and, sure enough, that's where the peoples were.

I didn't like sitting under the tree. It wasn't discreet enough for me. I didn't like being among those who didn't mind letting everyone know their business. Especially the children. I didn't like the area at all. there wasn't anywhere else to go. Where I could feel safe, that is. But I continue to come in hang out.

Then came the coronavirus. I didn't get sick, but my car started acting up. The weather was getting cold. I found myself, and some friends, sitting outside in the cold. in my car. I knew then I was losing my mind. Shirley a close friend, had asked me to take her home. The weather was really cold. After dropping her off, I drove around the corner to ask another friend for a blanket.

This is someone I considered to be like a brother. We looked out for one another. I go to the door of his house and knock. When he opened the door, I could see he wasn't at his best. After asking for a blanket, he looked at me and said, I don't give a damn about you being cold.

I didn't argue, I just walked away. I went back, got in my car, and drove back to the store. I couldn't believe what he did. That's when I started thinking about everything that was happening to me. I knew then God was trying to tell me something.

It was cold and dark. I parked back at the store and waited for morning, and then went home. When I got home I rested. In my mind, I was replaying everything that happened. Promising myself I was done with the street life.

I started reading my Bible. Thought about the relationship I once had with God. I use to could talk to God, and knew he was listening. I wanted that back. After realizing he was my only true friend. I knew the only reason I didn't freeze to death, that night in my car, is because of God.

I read my Bible every day from that point on, asking God to go before me, prepare the way and let it be another blessed day. Every morning when I got up, I said this prayer. My relationship with God grew stronger each day. I prayed for him to take away my addiction.

I didn't like who I had become. I didn't feel like myself at all. I knew I had to change my way of living. While not missing the company of others. I choose to spend more time with my family. Being around my family, made me feel more alive. I no longer felt like I was just existing.

I could feel and see my relationship with my daughter and her children was getting better. My youngest grandbabies would always run and hug me whenever I came to visit. Monica and I were working together, keeping the family close. Because of the pandemic, we would get together, just the family, and have backyard gatherings. We grew as a family.

I knew God had heard my prayers. All that needed to be done now, is for me to show him how grateful I am. He protected me when going down the wrong way in traffic, and many more deadly situations.

I stay on track, being clean. There were times when I thought of getting high at home. But then I would be going against, what Im trying to accomplish. I didn't know anyone in Killeen, I knew it would be better not to get acquainted with anyone. At this time, I chose to be alone.

I became humbled. I would wake up looking forward to life.No longer feeling controlled by a drug, was a wonderful feeling. I can't make up all those years while in my addiction. I am grateful I found my way back to reality. I had to go thru some life-changing events to come to this stage in my life.

I went to Austin for my Birthday in May of 2020. while I was there, I saw some things happening in the hood, A shooting occurred at the store at Rosewood. I had just parked when the shooting started. I was lucky I didn't get shot. I should have left then, but I didn't. when I did decide to leave my car started breaking down, one thing after another. I called my brother to come and help me out. We decided to just get the car tolled to a shop. The next day I arranged to have the car picked up. I stayed because I knew I would not be coming back. God had spoken.

You would think I would have been upset behind the car breaking down. It was amazing. I felt so relieved. I come to realize, my car was the missing piece to my recovery. It gave me access to be able to return to Austin, which was where I didn't need to be. I saw myself growing up, all over again.

I couldn't have done any of this, without God's love for me.

As I look back on it all. The world back then was like a nightmare. I understand that does that are still suffering,are strangers to themselves.

I heard about others losing their lives,after I had been away for a minute.I was really happy to here so many has gotten clean. I like to think I had something to do with that. I always felt as though, someone was always watching me. Hats off to them all.

To Be Continued..