Why'd You Leave Me // Phan (sad)

5

It's my 3rd week here and so much has happened... Kalel and Anthony broke up, Kalel has a new apartment, I'm staying with Kalel now, fans are wanting me to update, I'm slowly dying...

Kalel is just watching tv and I'm watching with. She had Buki in her lap and I have Mogwai, known as Chibi now. Anthony kept Pip. I looked at Kalel who was crying a little. We are watching The Notebook.

Kalel has been crying the past week. She loves Anthony so much but they made the decision. So to fix the problem... Ice cream and movies. I was crying a little from the movie.

"Thanks for being here... It means a lot." Kalel says. "No problem Kalel. It's nice being here with you." I said. "By watching soppy love story movies and eating ice cream?" She asked. "Yea. You're my friend." I put a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth.

She smiles and hugs me. "Thank you so much. I'm going to miss you when you have to go." She said in the hug. "I'll miss you too. But I'm leaving next week. Let's have some fun. Go to the zoo." Kalel laughed and I smiled.

"Maybe we can have Evelina and David come with. The four of us." I nod and we continued the movie.

Kalel soon fell asleep and I watched the rest of The Notebook. When it was over, I decided to put Kalel in her bedroom. As I carried her, I made sure to not drop her. My wrist were killing me.

I laid her on her bed, Buki and Chibi laying on the bed too. I put on Kalel's favorite playlist that she listens to when she sleeps, and I left her room.

I went back to the couch and got my laptop.

I got on Facebook to see what my friends are saying. Some were fans because I accepted the friend request from them, which they freaked.

Most ask about Phil and what I'm doing to stay happy. When they ask I lie... I don't want them to freak out about me.

I turn off my laptop, and went in the room I'm staying in. I sat on the bed and just sat there. I couldn't think. I can barely breathe. I can barely live. I'm fucking dying! I question life even more now.

I look at my bag and breathed in. Maybe I should do it. It's perfect. Kalel is asleep, so no one will bother me. It's just perfect.

I went to my bag and took out the razor. When Kalel is asleep, I usually take a few cuts and leave the house to think. I put it back in my bag and headed to the bathroom.

I got the razor again and took a deep breath in.

I put it against my skin, tearing it up with the blade. I did it a couple times, the blood trickling out of the new cuts. I looked at my right wrist. No scars at all. I start to cut that side, the pain making me cry and scream a little. I dropped the razor on the white tiled floor, staining it with my blood.

I started to hear Phil's voice again.

'I know you're stronger...'

'Remember the ones who love you...'

'Remember how much you've helped others...'

'You know this isn't good for you...'

"Phiiiiil!" I shout from the living room. I was currently on YouNow and everyone is asking for Phil. I love it when they ask for Phil. We just have our moments and it's nice.

"Yes?" Phil walks into the living room. He was currently sick at the moment. So he was wearing his glasses, pajamas and his green hoodie drinking tea. "The fans wanted to see you." I tell him. He smiles and sits next to me, sipping his tea.

"Phil is feeling ill right now. I have been taking care of him, even though it's hard to not kiss him." I admit and Phil laughs.

"Well you had the bloody cold last week and I got it from you." I laugh a little.

"Can you guys sing Toxic?" Phil reads outloud. I looked at him and he smiles.

"Mmm baby can't you s-" Phil starts.

"No no no! You have to sound orgasmic. Like ''Mmm baby can't you see.'" I cut him off and he groans. "I am, Dan. But I'm sick." Phil pouts. "I know you can do it orgasmicly." I say and he laughs.

I look at Phil. I love seeing him smile. I love when he laughs. I love how he pouts. I love it all.

I give him a quick kiss on the lips and Phil's eyes widen.

"Dan! I don't want you to be sick. You were already sick!" He freaks a little and kiss him again, but longer. "It's worth it. I love kissing you." I tell him.

"We're live, Daniel." He reminds me. "I don't care. They enjoy it." I smiled and so does he.

"Shit... Dan!" I open my eyes and saw Kalel.

"Kalel..." I say.

Kalel immediately manages to get me on the toilet seat and got a first aid kit. She took out bandages and alcohol. I watched as she rinsed the blood off my wrist in the sink and then dried it off. When Kalel applied the alcohol, I winced.

"Sorry..." She said and blew on it. Finally she wrapped bandages on my wrist. I stayed quiet during the process. I wasn't sure what to say.

"Come on. Let's go to the living room." Kalel says. We walked to the living room and I cradled into a ball on the couch. She sits next to me, turning on the tv.

After a couple minutes, Kalel turns the tv off and looks at me.

"Please tell me why.... Why did you do that?"

I couldn't look at her. I can tell she was in pain and was scared. I remember the look on her face. She wasn't sure what to do. I don't blame her.

"I'm empty. I lost my best friend and soulmate. Everyday, I wonder what life would be if I stayed home that night. If I knew he felt that way. He helped me with everything... I lie to my fans. I lie to them saying I'm fine. I'm taking a break from filming, and I hate it. I feel like I'm giving up. My cutting is worse now. Everyday I have the urged to. But when I do, I hear him... I hear him Kalel. I don't fucking know what I'm doing anymore. I can't take it anymore. I miss him. I need him. I just want to give up." I started to cry and Kalel brings me into her arms.

"I can't do this anymore. I just can't." I cry.

"Shh... I know, Dan... I know." She rubs my back as I cried. She tells me things to calm me down and cheer up.

"How about, we sleep in here tonight and tomorrow we go hang out with friends." Kalel says and I nod. I grabbed a blanket and laid down. Kalel laid on the inflatable bed that she had in here when we slept in here and I closed my eyes.

Authors note:
Okay. This is an update. My goal was to upload this week, and I did! When it's in italics, that's a flashback. I wanted to add that. So you may see a lot of those.

I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile, it takes me awhile to plan a chapter and have it just right.

I love you all and I hope to update soon. BAI.