Why'd You Leave Me // Phan (sad)

6

"Are you sure you're fine? Do you want to stay an extra week?" Kalel kept asking. "Yes, Kalel. I will text you and tell you I'm fine. I'll hang out with friends." I say.

Kalel hugs me and I hug her. Thing is, she hugged me tightly.

"You better fucking text me everyday. I need to know if you're fine. If you want to cut or something, you call me or go to Zoe's or something. Got it?" Kalel gave me a serious face. "Yes mum." We laugh a little and she gave me one last hug.

"Be safe. Text me when your plane lands." I nod and then left her.

The plane ride was okay. I wrote a lot to Phil while I listened to Muse on my phone. When I landed, I went straight home. It was still the same when I left. I put everything in my dresser and closet and saw the gift Kalel wanted me to place on Phil's grave.

It was a photo of us. Me, Phil, Kalel, Anthony, Ian, Cat, Joey, Meghan, Evelina and more. One big photo. We were at a VidCon party and it was just plain amazing. They all wrote a letter to Phil and asked me to set it on his grave. So that's what I'm doing.

I left home and got a cab to the cemetery and walked to Phil's grave. It was surrounded by flowers, lions, etc; My heart ached just seeing it. Phil... My best friend... My savior... My lover... My soulmate... My lion...

"Cause you got that one thing!" Phil was singing One Direction out of nowhere. I was laying on the floor having my existential crises. "One day, no one isn't going to remember us. Like no one remembers people in history in the 1800's and so on. So why do people try.   And then everyone I love and care will one day be dead. So will I..." I spoke silently to myself.

Phil soon stopped singing and I closed my eyes. When I continued to question life, I felt someone lay in front of me. My eyes fluttered open as I see Phil laying in front of me.

"What are you doing, Phil?" I sighed. "Well... My boyfriend is having an existential crisis and I'm just having fun. It made me feel bad, so I decided I have a existential crisis with you." I smiled and reached towards him to hold his hand. Feeling his hand in mine makes me so happy. "Thank you" I said. "Any time"

"I miss you, Phil. So much." I cried. "Everyone misses you and wishes you're back. Every. Single. Day. I do definitely." I set the items down. "A bunch of our friends in America got you things to put on your grave." Letters, photos, lions, flowers. "I wish everyday this was a nightmare. That you're actually here. That you're fine. That you're happy. That you're safe and sound with me. But no..." I cried more. "I-I need to go now. Back to our home. It feels like shit there without you, but I could never leave it."

"I love you." I get up and start walking home. I didn't want to take a cab back. I just need time to think.

Think of how I'm going to continue living life when I want to die. So I can be with Phil. But I know he wants me to stay alive.

But I don't know...

Authors note:
Hai. I haven't posted. So hai. Short chapter. It's bad. But I need to post and idk why I picked today because it's Phil birthday... MY LITTLE SMOL BEAN IS GROWING UP SND IM CRYING! How is he 29 omfg

But yea. New chapter. Also some self promo now. If you love yourself some phan smut, go read my phan book The Good Boy's Bad Boy.
But yea... Ima go now
BAI