love

[ three ]

I sat in my room, the box of Twilight cupcakes in my hand.

As soon as Lucas made his confession, he gingerly kissed my hand, went to what I seem the reservation center and left. After several minutes, Adrian came back, sensing once again that I'm not okay. I told him I just feel drowsy, so he drove me home, but not without cracking jokes during the ride. Adrian gave me one long kiss before I finally closed the door of the house, shutting myself inside. Dad was still at work, and Mom was cross-stitching on the couch, waiting for him. After saying one good night to her, I rushed to my room and locked myself, along with the cupcakes.

I shook my head, shaking off the recent events I just recalled. I didn't bother to turn on my air conditioner, it was cold enough to startle my thoughts.

Sighing, I opened the lid of the box, seeing six creatively designed Twilight cupcakes, arranged two by three, and small papers poking out on each. Lucas never failed to exert effort once again, but he's all doing this for nothing. I already told him straightforwardly last year that he has no chance with me, but he didn't listen. The guy's loyal, determined, and maybe even motivated, whatever why, I hate it. I hate the fact that he is determined and hoping when he can never get what he wants. He's just hurting himself.

Maybe Tracy, Sara and Rica will love these, I thought. I can't bear to eat these, I'll feel guilty.

I closed my eyes, calming myself, trying to remove Lucas' memory from my mind; haggard look, pleading eyes, broken voice, and breaking heart. I screamed at myself furiously, hoping that the memory will fade away. Immediately regretting the scream because Mom might hear it, I opened my eyes.

Taking a deep breath, I picked one poking paper from a cupcake, and unfolded it.

I hope the night sky is as pretty as you are.

As expected, Lucas was being cheesy again. After folding the note and setting it aside, I grabbed another, and another, until all notes were taken from the cupcakes.

I was the moon, you were the sun, I can’t seem to shine if you're gone.

You casted a spell on me and I don't regret falling for it.

And suddenly, every love song was all about you.

Every night, I wake up from my sleep, just to think of your eyes.

La douleur exquise, darling. La douleur exquise.

I sat up on my bed, setting the cupcake box aside, reaching for a big box (about the size of a refrigerator freezer) placed on top of my study table. I grabbed it and placed it on my lap, sighing. I feel so stupid and guilty at the same time; stupid because I let these things happen to me, and guilty because Adrian doesn't know anything about Lucas' doings.

Shaking my head, I lifted the lid, setting it aside. The box was filled with various stuff; teddy bears, necklaces, Twilight merchandise, post-its, and other cheesy stuff from none other than Lucas Harper. Every single thing he gives me, goes here. I feel guilty using it, since I never wanted him to give me those things in the first place, and because I do not and never will feel the same way towards him.

I pulled out the familiar Twilight faces from the cupcakes and placed them inside the box, and then the cheesy notes came in next. Mentally saying a sorry to Lucas, I closed the box and returned it to its proper place.

Whenever Adrian visits my room, he won't bother asking what the box is for, since I already told him they were stuffs I want to donate in the future. I feel so stupid lying to him about Lucas' stupid acts.