love

[ five ]

My eyes opened unexpectedly.

I feel so weird, I feel like I'm someone else. The familiar scent found its glory to my nostrils--the scent of antibiotics and the pleasant air conditioner. I needn't to look around; the blank and white ceiling told me enough that I was in a hospital room, as well as the beeping monitor beside me.

Everything that happened, it was all a blur, but I can still recognize it. The voices, the fear, the pain--everything. It all felt so real, and I can still recognize them.

Only that I can't feel them now.

The usual hospital set up was placed upon me--the tubes, the bandages, the markings, the stretch marks--it's not that I've been confined before, Rica always wanted to be a surgeon so she sometimes talk about these stuff when we have nothing else to talk to. Unlike her, I do not have a plan for college. I just go with the flow.

I always thought that wasting every second of your life planning for the future is totally and undeniably absurd. I even thought it was rancid, though I didn't give the comment out loud since Rica and Sara are both organized people with organized plans. I feel like offending them. Live life to the fullest, as they say, so I'm always up for adventures. It's not like every day you get to ride a deathly loop coaster, so Adrian and I, having the same perspectives with each other, counted every day as an adventure we are excited to try and find out.

But now, in my state, I feel terrified--I started to think what my future would be. Of the utmost honesty, I started to think I was foolish for ignoring it.

I took a deep breath, inhaling the hospital scent, and finally calmed myself.

"Mia?"

I didn't know if I'm capable of jumping in shock even if I'm bound to this bed, but I know I'm capable of releasing a startled gasp. I turned to my right to see the person I least expected to be there.

But how can't he show up? Even though we're not in good and proper terms, and even though my life has been hectic these past few days, I can still remember his confession and my rejection.

I am not interested in arguing with him or swatting him away because I felt extremely tired, so I just engaged a simple conversation with him.

"Hey, Lucas." I said casually, giving him a small smile. He was wearing his uniform for the pizza parlor, minus the snapback with the cheesy pizza logo on it.

"How do you feel?" He asked.

To be honest, I, myself, don't know. "Unexplainable?"

He gave m a soft laugh. "I expected that. You were asleep for five days after your surgery."

Surgery?

I never remembered anything about a surgery. The last thing I remembered was calling for my parents because I was experiencing the excruciating pain once more. That was as far as I can remember, I didn't know if I was in trance or not, but in either way, I can't remember them anymore.

I didn't want to deal with another sick love confession from Lucas, if ever that was the reason why he's here in the first place, so I just took a deep breath and hummed to myself. Surprisingly, he said nothing, did nothing, or even do anything. He was just sitting on the stool beside my bed, looking at me, or sometimes the window, or the door, or anything at all. Lucas was acting differently, and I felt glad yet worried about it.

Maybe he can answer my questions, while he's here. I don't want for him to just sit there and stare through everything because it creeps me out, and because I was worried. He and I are not in good terms as of now, but it would stay that way if he hadn't showed up here in my hospital room. I took one last deep breath and turned to look at him, and almost surprisingly, his eyes were lingering to somewhere.