a Stardew Valley fan fiction: The Proper Care and Feeding of Souls

Chapter 6: Invisible Things

seed hope

in your heart's wound

plant the flowers of self-forgiveness

one day,

a bud of love will bloom

into your heart

Alexandra Vasiliu

Sebastian's thin pale arm stretched out as far as it could reach, his hand shaking uncontrollably as he aimed the pistol. Loud unrecognizable words echoed. The scene blurred into a myriad of whirling colors. He screamed and pulled the trigger.

Sebastian bolted upright, sweaty, pulse racing. His surroundings were cool and dark. Taking a deep breath, he bought himself back to the moment. Back to his bedroom, back to the present.

*****

Early that morning, Grace had rummaged through the attic and came across what she was looking for. Her grandmother's old basket. Grace wondered if it was the basket, the one she used to gather berries with Evelyn. She hoped it was. Either way, it would work for today, so as she set out toward the forest, she tightly held the basket in her hand, swinging it joyfully at her side.

SEBASTIAN

Only two things clear my head: tearing it up with my bike on the open road and nature. Yeah. That sounds cheesy, that last one, but it's true so don't give me grief about it, ok? When I'm in the forest, I'm alone. No one bothers me and that's just how I like it.

I didn't sleep for shit last night so I headed out toward the lake as soon as the sun started to rise. As much as I hate this valley, sunrise here rivals any drug I've ever tried to dull the pain. And, well, that's saying something.

As I wandered around the forest behind the lake that morning, the snap of a twig told me I wasn't alone. I paused and stepped back out of sight. There she was. The girl from the lake that day. Picking berries from the looks of it, but really, she was looking for them in all the wrong places. I didn't want to startle her this time, so I walked a little more loudly than I normally would have to give her a fair warning. She noticed me, and I stopped leaning back on a nearby tree. We made eye contact.

"Grace", she said. "I don't think we exchanged names last time we met. I'm Grace."

"Hey, Grace", I replied. She looked at me expectantly, and I held her eyes. "Sebastian", I mumbled.

For a moment, we stood in silence, which was already the thing I loved most about this girl. After a moment, I walked toward her and grabbed her hand, pulling her to follow me. In retrospect, I would not have been surprised if she'd freaked and run the other way, but for whatever reason, she didn't.

GRACE

He leaned up against a tree, retreating within the same black hoodie he'd worn the last time we met. I hadn't realized before how tall he was. Our eyes locked and we stood there in silence, him leaning back against a tree like he may as well be James Dean, me so taken in by the gaze that it didn't even occur to me that while he looked like a movie star, I looked more like Little Red Riding Hood. As much as I already loved this silence thing we did, this guy and I, I decided to break it.

"Grace", I said. "I don't think we exchanged names last time we met. I'm Grace."

"Hey, Grace", he replied in his low, deep, husky voice. I don't think he intended it, but it was incredibly sexy. His thin lips curved into the slightest of smiles. He paused for a moment and then revealed his name, "Sebastian".

We resumed our silence once again, and this time, I wasn't going to break it. After a few moments, Sebastian silently walked toward me, reached for my hand, and pulled me to walk alongside him. While this probably should have alarmed me, the second I felt his cool hand on mine, I just felt safe.

I didn't even know this guy's name until five minutes ago, but this is what I did know: the first time we met. I blurted out my awful truths to him, and he listened and placed his hand on mine in understanding. He did not try to fix things, or ask questions, or try to tell me anything to make it better. He just sat with me in the pain and mess of it all and let it be. In all the time I'd had with family, friends, and even therapists since the night it happened, not a single person had done what he did. And that, was how I knew I was safe. He was safe.

We followed along a path heading deeper into the forest and then veered off the path and up a hill to the north. In silence. Our silence. Eventually, Sebastian slowed his pace and released my hand. We stopped and he turned to face me with his barely-there smile. My gaze scanned our surroundings. He had led me to a clearing that was covered with berries. I gave him a crooked smile and got to work.

Back at the farmhouse that afternoon, I smoothed out gran's recipe on the kitchen counter and fumbled my way through a batch of "E's Elegant Preserves". Every step required such a level of focus and intentionality, I found myself with a quiet mind, short of the occasional reading of a direction or measurement. The slow, focused work of creating soothed my weary soul and comforted me in a way I hadn't expected. I imagined my gran purposefully working this same recipe in this very same kitchen 50 years ago. I knew she wouldn't be reading and measuring, she'd be chatting with Evelyn, guided by nothing more than her own heart for her creation. As I completed jarring my first batch, I was too nervous to taste it. I wasn't up for the possibility of failure after such a beautiful day. So, I placed the jars in a line on the counter and left them.

That night, I lay in bed, listening to the spring rain as it gently nourished the earth. The sound of the raindrops had become something of a comfort over the past few weeks. It soothed my mind and lulled me to sleep, but most of all it made me think of all that was currently invisible to me that the rain was silently giving life to. One day, all of those invisible things would bloom.

let's be wildflowers,

let our souls be scattered by the wind.

let us grow, wild and free,

tall and brave,

in the places that we dream,

in the places where our longings

are filled.

let us grow between the cracks

of brokenness,

and we will make everything beautiful.

- Gaby Comprés