My life is a Mistake

Chapter 14

Duryodhan pov, 

          From childhood everyone in the palace looked at me with a doubt,  that I will change bad or good,  whatever bad things happened in the palace the blame will come to me without any arguments,  my father always expect me to be like pandavas,  my mother always want me to be good,  I tried my best for that but the thing pandavas get easily and after lot of struggle also I didn't get is acceptance,  belief,  recognition.

Though,  we were brothers born in a same family they have the special treatment from rajmata satyavati, pithamaha bheshma, kakkashree vidur, and finally guru dronacharya also.

Even sometimes my father praise over them,  how much I tried I never be that good student,  son to them,  that's how me and ashwathama become friends,  we share a same history, 

My mamashree is the only one who praise me lot,  pampers me, support me he is the only one who raised me,  so only I respected him a lot,  trusted him more than the God,, but now I get to know that's all his plan, I am no one to him just a pawn on his plan a main coin.

Still I didn't blame him,  if my sister have to live a life like my mother don't know what I will do to the family,  as he says I have never witnessed her full smile,  but now I became a reason of her sorrows.

Maybe like they all believing me as a bad omen is true,  why not?  Yes I am a bad omen to this family, I never make them happy,  never fullfill their expectations,  always pandavas is the best,  I am nothing Infront of them.

Today when I can see their helplessness,  their lost face I really get satisfied,  I don't even regret the way I treated them,  the beast in me having super celebrations inside me,  but I should not include draupadi into it,  may be she is arrogant,  egoistic princess but no reason will be justified the punishment I given to her. 

The look on Karna,  still I can see that look,  even in this darkness,  I can see his eyes full of disappointment, hurt look , how can I forget that no matter what karna can't bear any injustice towards a woman and child,  in my life first time I thought to do one thing without his knowledge, and that will become a big mistake in my life.

What if?  What if he,  Bhanu and ashwathama also started to hate me?  Like others?  No I can't bear that.  Vrushali bhabhi will never believe that I can do like this.  For her,  I am her hot headed baby, how can I face her?

Aahh...,  in anger,  the hate I have for pandavas I forget the only people who love me unconditionally,  whatever I do,  these people stood beside me and supported me,  but what I did to them?  Betrayed them,  broke their trust,  disappointed,  mahadeva please do some miracle with that karna have to forgiven me,  if he forgives everyone will forgive me,  but will he? 

With these thoughts duryodhan enters into anga desh,  when he reached the palace,  he sees krishna,  balram with Karna,  the three went inside and the minister look out his duty.

I came this long,  but facing him,  facing bhanu terrifying me lot,  how can I face  draupadi,  Bhabishree and all,  and now krishna and gurudev also here,  no I can't do this but I have to also,  oh mahadeva why my life is this much complicated?

He stands there for a hour,  he can't return same time he don't have a courage to enter into the palace,  he praying every God to do some miracle. 

That time a very old man in anga,  he is considered the first citizen of anga,  whatever the new rules karna always said to him first after his opinion only he imply that,  because he is the first person in anga accept karna as a king. He have a huge respect in anga.