Jumping Hurdles ; Bakudeku

Two Steps Back

Izuku's mother had always told him not to use the word love unless he really meant it. Telling someone you don't love that you love them would get you into some messy situations.

Inko held onto the idea of love. She always made a big deal about it. Izuku knew that much. She believed that once you love someone, you can never stop. If you do stop loving someone...I supposed you've never truly loved them at all. She didn't believe anyone could fall out of love because of this. She was the type of woman who believed in love at first sight, she believed in falling in love and slowly but surely walking right into it.

She also told him that love doesn't mean forever. Two people could be in love....and it still wouldn't be enough and the universe would tear them apart. Falling in love with the wrong person would only hurt yourself in the end. You'd be the only one falling and you'd keep falling even after you've hit rock bottom. It'd be an endless fall with no means to save yourself.

But Izuku didn't have to worry about that. Because he didn't fall in love with Kacchan. He walked into it willingly. He chased after him. He walked into love blind as to what it actually was. He loved Katsuki despite his mistakes and flaws and outbursts. He loved him more than the sun loved the moon and he felt silly for only realizing it now.

That was the easy part. Realizing he was in love. He could accept the love he felt because it was so obvious. He laughed. He was sure everyone else around him realized he was in love with Kacchan before the thought even occurred to him. Realization and acceptance came easy to him. He was in love and that's not what scared him. Giving his heart away (or rather having it taken from him) was the scary part. Telling Katsuki that he loved him was the scary part.

A jolt of fear shot through Izuku.

He wasn't scared of Katsuki. No, he never was. He was scared of how he would react. What he would say. How he would (probably) push him away because Katsuki Bakugo didn't do feelings. Maybe recently he did but...this was different. Love has always been a big deal to people. It was a strong word that you shouldn't use unless you really meant it. As long as Katsuki has known Izuku...he was sure that Katsuki knew how Izuku felt about the use of the word.

Izuku knew one thing for sure.

Katsuki was scared of his own feelings and he was scared of Izuku's. He would never admit it (katsuki's pride would get in the way) but Izuku knew it to be true. He also knew that Katsuki had a tendency to self-sabotage. If his outburst from last night told him anything...Katsuki reacted with anger anytime he was scared or uncomfortable. If Izuku told Katsuki he loved him...and that scared Katsuki, then--

Katsuki groaned in his sleep pulling Izuku from his thoughts.

"You're mumbling, Deku." Katsuki groaned, groggy from his sleep.

"Sorry, Kacchan." Izuku blushed. He almost forgot Katsuki was still in his bed. Almost.

Almost as if his thoughts were put on pause, he resumed his thinking.

If Izuku scared Katsuki with his feelings Katsuki would surely push him away and things would never be the same. Katsuki would avoid him and Izuku would be left alone. Katsuki would ruin things on purpose just to protect himself (from his feelings.)

Despite all these facts...Izuku still didn't think he fell in love with the wrong person. Katsuki was the one. It was always going to be him. They just had some hurdles to jump. They've jumped many in the past. They could do this. That is if Katsuki was as serious about Izuku as Izuku was serious about him.

Another jolt of fear.

Was Katsuki serious about him? Did he even like him- No, Katsuki said he did. He was clear about it. Even if he wasn't...his actions said enough. Right? Izuku didn't need his insecurities to infest his brain. Yes, he could call them insecurities now. Along with accepting his feelings for Katsuki, he had to accept his other feelings. He was insecure. It wasn't necessarily Katsuki's fault! (Maybe it was but Izuku would rather blame himself.) Izuku was just stubborn and tended to overthink and overanalyze and he probably just scared himself.