Flaahback
I’m distant? I’m cold? I don’t love you? What the hell, yee? Where’s all that coming from all of a sudden?“
In shock, you stare at him, wide-eyed, Jungkook’s harsh words, shouted out in a blind rage in the boys’ empty dressing room, hitting you like a blow to the stomach.
„All of a sudden?“, you echo, incredulous, your voice cracking. „Jungkook, I’ve been putting up with your behavior for weeks now. Quietly, never complaining. Because I figured you were busy and all. I didn’t wanna add to the burden you’re already carrying. But this — This is really too much. I think I should go.“
Unshed tears filling up your burning eyes, blurring your vision, you look at him one last time before you turn to go.
„Yeah. That’s right. Just up and leave when things don’t go your way!“, you can hear Jungkook call after you when you’re already halfway down the hall, your strides long and angry, fists clenched, nails digging into your palms.
„Just go! I don’t care! I’m fine without you! You hear me? I don’t need you!“
His words cut your heart like flying daggers as you pray to God that they’re just empty phrases born from fury. That he doesn’t actually mean them.
Two weeks later …
You barely manage to drag yourself out of bed. Every cell of your body seems to be working against you, dragging you down, turning every step, every breath you take into a struggle that’s almost unbearable.
It has been like this ever since you lost Jungkook.
Because, to you, it feels like you did.
No word from him, not a single text, no calls. Not ever since your fight two weeks ago.
Coming by the venue of the concert unannounced was a mistake. You see that now. But you had never planned for things to get out of hand like that. All you wanted was to see him. To make sure the man you love more than your own life was okay. That he was eating well. Being taken good care of. To check if it was still there. That glimmer in his deep brown eyes which used to illuminate them like a million galaxies burning up all at once whenever he looked at you.
Instead, all those feelings you had bottled up over the course of weeks had erupted without warning, like an ancient volcano having been dormant for too many centuries.
Jimin had contacted you that night, right after the concert, to assure you he was all right after fan videos had started popping up on social media platforms showing Jungkook collapsing on stage.
„He’s better now, yee. Don’t worry. We’re looking after him. Kookie’s gonna be fine.“
His words had given you peace of mind. But it had only lasted for so long. Soon, guilt got a hold of your aching heart.
Was his breakdown your fault? Had you pushed Jungkook too far? Should you have seen the signs? Had you been too selfish, expecting something in return for what you had given him?
Maybe Kookie is better off without you, after all, you think to yourself as you step into the shower, letting the hot water stream down your numb body and wash away the tears. Maybe you were never meant to be together in the first place.
