secrets !﹒⪩⪨﹒dkbk

𝟭𝟲 : torn and bloody.

cw: blood.
——————

to say his night was rough was an understatement.

katsuki couldn't sleep, his head was a mess and something was missing.

he knew what was missing, it was simple. what was missing was the warmth he'd grown used to, the feather-like fluff he always felt in his hands as he slept.

something—no, someone was missing... that someone was izuku. katsuki cursed him harder than ever before for this reason.

katsuki cursed himself for growing so dependent on the older man but he couldn't help it. he couldn't help the way he missed izuku. though, the green haired man only pushed him away.

yeah, izuku wanted to end things with katsuki.

katsuki found himself on the brink of tears because of this. the feeling was foreign, a feeling he feared all his life.

it was the feeling of abandonment.

izuku did not want katsuki in the way that katsuki wanted him. he was not proud to call katsuki his in public.

and so he left.

from katsuki's perspective, izuku only wanted him in the dark. he was not proud of his relationship with the blond. he was ashamed of katsuki, did not find pride in katsuki's presence as katsuki felt for him.

izuku likely did not stay up at night, thinking about katsuki for hours. he likely did not feel such intense emotions as katsuki did for him.

in that moment, katsuki found himself coming to a cruel realization.

izuku did not love him. their relationship was born of lust and unrequited love. though now, izuku had completely lost interest.

these thoughts were a result of lack of sleep. yet, because they did not stop, katsuki believed them.

katsuki held back his tears, he did not want to be sad over this. so instead, his sadness quickly contorted into rage, completely unbridled anger.

and that anger was the very reason why he had ended up punching his mirror, hard enough to allow the glass to shatter. though, he was still sad. but to him, sadness meant anger. so, he did it again, striking the already broken mirror until the very skin on his knuckles became torn, shredded almost from the repeated strikes and his fingers dripped with blood.

they throbbed and ached, skin completely missing on some while others had pieces of the broken glass still wedged into the flesh which he had to painfully pick out.

and what did katsuki do next? walk to class with those very same bloody knuckles. he could not feel his fingers and his mind felt empty, drained almost from the fact that he was still running off of the last shred of adrenaline he had left.

no coffee had ever made him feel this jittery, ready to pounce on anyone who dared glance at him too strongly.

"alright, class. today i will be giving more notes for the assessment." katsuki heard that sickeningly familiar voice call. he slowly turned his head to look directly at izuku, not excited in the slightest.

instead, seeing izuku made him angry. he wanted to punch the mirror once more. or, punch izuku's face.

his thoughts became more and more destructive as izuku went on. he hadn't gotten a blink of sleep since the night before so he'd gotten even more impulsive.

and what was his impulse? to get up and confront izuku once more. he did not care who was around nor who would listen, he was not thinking correctly in the slightest.

and so, as soon as izuku had finished and the room began emptying of students, katsuki stood up, walking up to his desk with a stone cold look.

izuku choked as he noticed katsuki approaching. "oh- um, hi katsuki. what seems to be your issue?" he asked.

katsuki scoffed chuckling, "what seems to be my issue? oh! i don't know? maybe the fucker that thinks it's okay to play with my heart and drop me like it's nothing." he said, squinting his eyes accusingly as he slammed his hand on the desk.

though, as soon was he did, izuku seemed to notice how his fingers were stained with old, now crusted blood.

"katsuki?! what did you-"

"don't touch me!" katsuki yelled as he felt izuku's hand nearing his own. "don't fucking touch me ever again! you're a liar, you promised so many things to me only to leave!"

izuku was frozen, his eyes blowing wide as he noticed katsuki had began to cry. "i hate you! i hate you so much.." katsuki eventually sobbed out.

he was shaking his head as he did, as if he were trying to expel these feelings, as if.. they were forbidden.

"kacchan." izuku spoke softly.

"don't call me that either!"

"kacchan, i'm sorry."

"no you're not."

"i'm sorry that i went about this all wrong. i left you despite knowing what you go through. i'm sorry i was not there." izuku seemed to have been ignoring katsuki's pleas for him to stop.

"let me take care of you." he said once more.

"how? with sex? you said that the last time!" katsuki scowled deeper than ever.

needless to say, izuku's jaw dropped. "oh my- no! i mean take care of your hands, kacchan. you're still bleeding." he said, reaching out to grab katsuki's hand only for the blond to pull away.

katsuki still shook his head, trying his absolute hardest to deny izuku's aid.

though, his voice was so soft, never failing to pull him in.

and when izuku tried to reach for his hand once more, he was unfortunately successful.

"c'mon, sit down." izuku said and katsuki hesitantly obeyed, as if he saw the niceness as a trap.

though, once he was seated, izuku got to work, opening his drawer to pull out a pack of wipes to clean katsuki's hand off.

the entire time, his touches were soft, as though they were well thought out. there was nothing but utter care and concern as he cleaned katsuki's hands.

soon, after nearly going through the entire pack of wipes due to the amount of blood, izuku pulled out bandages, wrapping them around katsuki's injured hands carefully.

"all done." izuku spoke softly, looking up at katsuki to notice he was only staring deeply at izuku, wordless.

"kacchan?" he asked, tilting his head with slight confusion.

"why?" katsuki finally spoke. "why are you doing this to me? you leave me then come back. you said we couldn't talk for a while and here i am, allowing you to take care of me. what is it? do you care or do you not care?" katsuki asked, the lack of sleep making it hard for him to hide the glint of hope in his eyes.

izuku shook his head, "i'm disappointed in you, kacchan." he said, frowning deeply.

suddenly, katsuki stiffened, dangerously threatening to pull his hand away. "i'm disappointed that you would ever think that i do not care about you." izuku said softly.

"though, i'm more disappointed in himself. i was being selfish when i said what i said. i'm sorry." he said, holding katsuki's bandaged hands with the utmost care for his knuckles.

"deku-" katsuki's lips trembled. "kacchan, i'm sorry. i don't know how much i'm going to say this, but i am. i really, really am. i could not stop thinking about you, worrying about you... i know this may be a bit overwhelming.. but kacchan i lo-"

"bakugou katsuki you are needed in the chancellor's office." a staff member suddenly appeared in the doorway, utterly ruining what they had going on.