𝙲𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙸𝙲𝚂_𝙰 𝚁𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠 𝚂𝚑𝚘𝚙

5- Be with You [Reviewer Rabi]

Note: Due to an emergency, reviewer Sasha has left, therefore Reviewer Rabi is doing her work for a while. Here is the review for your book. We apologize for this inconvenience. You don't need to follow the reviewer in return.

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Book: Be with you

Author:

Reviewer: Rabi

Title: 2/5
The title is not unique. It is not interesting and eye catching as well. I might skip it while scrolling down the stories. Title is own of those basic things such catches reader's attention, but this title is not capable to do so. Also, I don't think this title is suitable for this plot or story line either. This story contains yendere and obsession love, which is quite opposite to the vibes the title is serving. I would suggest you change it.

Cover: 2/10
The cover is not giving the vibes which the story is giving. This story has yendere and obsessive love which serves dark and anxious vibes. But the cover is a whole different story. This is not related to the story theme or gives any vibes which tell us what the story is about?

It is not eye catching and interesting as well. Cover is the reason. why most of the people choose a book to read but this cover is not catchy enough to grab reader's attention. I would suggest you change that and keep a dark themed cover having red, black or grey colors in contrast.

Blurb: 3/5
I believe that a perfect blurb is not only dialogue or paragraphs. It has to be dialogues, a little description of plot and a few little scene from the book to make it more interesting.

For this factor, your book doesn't have interesting blurb, it is not catchy and doesn't give us any hint regarding the story line, theme and character's.

I would suggest you use a few dialogues with the character's description as well. Also, add a little scene from the book as well.

1st impression: 1/5
It was neutral. If we count it from the cover, blurb and title the it was not good. I didn't feel executed and truth to be said didn't want to read the book at first place. There is a lot of difference among cover, title and the blurb, they all are serving different vines then the story line. Many of the readers are not comfortable reading obsessive or yendere theme stories, you haven't given any warning either via blurb or title and cover.

Plot: 9/20
Nothing extra-ordinary in the plot was seen. It contains same cliche plot having the same basic element as obsessively love and yendere au. A basic fan and idol lobe story where the fan is a saesang. There are also a few holes in the plot.

Such as we don't know who the girl is.  What's her main living? What's her schedule and what's her living style and daily routine. You really didnt describe any thing real yes to the character's behaviors. After that, how does she manage to have the access to the tight security system and hacks the server? This is not some child's play. What's her age and qualification? What's Taehyung's style of living? His daily routine?

After that, how foes no on eknw about her obsession? Even when the parents don't care about their children but the keel track of their children as what are they doing? Especially, rich families like she had.

There are also a few unanswered questions.

You should focus on these points and try to explain each and every fave of the story in detail.

Flow: 6/10
The flow is not well balanced. Even though the description of scenes and backgrounds are detailed but the flow is disturbed at some point. The pace is fast and some times it is too slow. The paragraphs are either too short or too long. It also disturbs the flow of the story. You must mange the flow by keeping the track of words, scene management.

Grammar: 7/10

It is not bad. You did a few mistakes here and there but the rest was good. At some points, you misused or overused the punctuation marks, let's see the example below:

"What was the last time, when she had seen him? And yes yes"

Now the comma in between the words "Time" and "she" is unnecessary and not somewhere it should be. After that the word "And" is useless as well. Also, you used "When" two times in one sentence.  Per rule described to write an English essay or text, we don't start any sentence with "and". Now let's take a look at edited version of this sentence:

"When was the last time she had seen him? Ah, yes! "

Now its better. You should work on the sentence structure as well.

Emotions: 4/10
It was neutral. I didn't feel any thing while reading a scene. I felt neutral. You should manage them and explain in details. I didn't get their feelings and emotions. What might they are thinking, what are their inner conflicts?

The main focus of your writing is dialogues and background's description. I would suggest you focus on working on this factor and try to be more open about emotions of the characters.

Character's development: 3/10
I don't find any development in their characters. Their characters are not even described fully. Their inner conflicts and metal situation is not shown much which makes us unable to see through their actions and deeds. Therefore, there reasonings behind their action is not seen much as well.

After that, the story hasn't been updated till the month of February. That's too late. You should update frequently to give us all the answers to longing questions.

Writing style: 6/10
Depiction skills, emotions details, character's description, grammar and vocabulary usage,  all the factors mentioned before, effect the story line and writing style as well. You have the potential to be a writer but need a little push.

Hope you can improve yourself.

Enjoyment: 3/5
Overall: 2/5

Total: 48/100

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Hope you would consider our words and marks and will let us see the netter version soon.