I Was First | Joshua Hong

Chapter 29

I am always certain about what I hate and like, my interests and things that gives me discomfort, I know how to distinguish and determine them one by one; but, why am I suddenly concluding that my feelings are confused because of Dokyeom's gestures and words? Why did my heart pounded the same way as when I get excited over something that I like? The same way and pace I get with Joshua — the person I have a crush on.

Knowing my personality, I'm far different from him. While his life are all cupcakes and rainbows, mine are cucumbers and storms. The sun's rays always shines towards him that makes him seem like he's glowing, while I'm always under some kind of a shadow.

If happiness was a person, it would certainly be Dokyeom. He radiates a cheerful kid energy, he seems happy every chance I gawk at him. And no matter how much I think about it, it's still a mystery for me on how we became friends like this.

Gazing at him from where I was standing, he looks so happy splashing water under the sun, he doesn't easily get tired and he seems like he's enjoying people's company so much.

His smile is so mesmerizing; It always reaches his eyes. He's the type of person to make everything seem bright and saying you'll want to protect him won't be hard to utter.

At this point, I don't even know why I'm thinking this much about him. He didn't even do much, for me to think about what a person he is.

Well, maybe it's just because he became a part of my life, a friend, and thoughts about him just keeps coming in. And to top it, he's so kind that perhaps, I don't regret getting this close to him.

"Hiah, can you get a can of ham from the table outside?", I faced Dokyeom when he started talking but he was too focused on what he was cooking to look back. We were at the kitchen prepping food, he was handling every thing touching the stove and I was just behind him, standing around waiting for him to say something.

Apparently, we had a quick talk about tasks we each would do, and I was left with Dokyeom to cook for dinner while Joshua and Alliza will prepare the table which we also planned to be outside since we were having a barbeque party.

Frankly saying, I'm no good at cooking. But Dokyeom is. So that left him to do all the cooking and I told him that he just have to tell me everything he needs.

So that's basically how I ended up being ordered around by him, a lot, but who am I to complain? It was the least thing I could do now that he's doing everything himself.

"Alright.", I went out of the front door and went outside. It was already night, and I swear, it became more beautiful as the lights were turned on, the stars were exceptionally many tonight and the moon was definitely a cherry on top.

As I got nearer, my vision to the table got clearer and there I saw Joshua and Alliza sitting across each other while talking.

I halted from pacing and instead walked a few steps backwards just incase they'll spot me. They seem to talk about something hilarious that they would occasionally laugh, and that if ever I'll come over and butt in, I'll just ruin the fun they were having.

Turning my back against their direction, I walked back inside the beach house. I just blankly stared at my slippers as they were taking steps and the sand that gets on my feet whenever they land.

After knowing that she likes him, I should expect a scenario like that, I shouldn't be surprised anymore, and I should look out for more in the future, I should get used to it knowing that I can't do anything about it.

"Where's the ham I asked for?", I looked up to see a creasing forehead Dokyeom.

I looked down at my hands and shook my head as I looked up at him. "I couldn't get them."