Would You Be Mine *Book 1 of the Unspoken Series* (ADOMMY)

I Deserve To Die Too

Authors Notes: heey guys so this chapter, I'm just warning you now, may be extremely hard for you guys. I am going to have to tap into some really painful shit; so don get mad at me over what Tommy had to go through in the last chapter. I'm sorry and this Chappie is only going to be harder. So sorry. Anyways, if you're here, thank you for reading and holding out while I was doing my shit and waiting on this story I love you guys!! P.s. song Is guardian angel by red jump suit apparatus.

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~Sam

Tommy POV

   I felt the hands surround me and I panicked at the strength of them, I felt my breathing kick up a notch and squeezed my eyes tighter than they where already.

   "Tommy!" I heard a voice. I flinched and opened my eyes looking around frantically. I saw Adam looking at me with fear in his eyes; he stood at least eight feet away from me, my breathing slowed as I took in my surroundings. Why was I at Brads place? I looked up again as I head movements and tensed before I saw Brad walk into the room rubbing his head and yawing.

   "You guys okay?" he asked, his voice thick with sleep.

Adam nodded at him before looking at me.  I realized that the hands I felt around me where simply figments of my imagination. I took a calming breath and tried to sit up to properly face the two men in front of me, who where still a good distance from me. I moved and felt pain rip though my lower back and down between my thighs. I felt my body fight against it and knew my face had paled. I grit my teeth against the pain and balled my fist; I bit down on my lip hard enough to bite through it. I tried again and the pain intensified and I felt my voice rip through my teeth as I whimpered and gave up slipping against the pillow once more. How did I get here, I thought once more.

   "Tommy" Adam said once more. I looked at him confused.

Why the fuck was he here anyway? He hates me, I hate him. I winced at the memory of our fight today. I was pulled back to reality as I noticed Adam move quickly towards me. Hands raised as if to grab. I flinched at the sight and remembered the mans hands around my wrist. I clutched my hands to my chest and felt tears leak out onto my cheeks.

"Tommy" he said, his voice ridden with remorse. He moved faster and I couldn't control my reaction.

"NO! PLEASE! IM SORRY!" I screamed slamming my eyes shut and pressing into the cushions beneath me ignoring the pain that flared up at the movement.

"What? No, I'm not going to hurt you." He said in a soft voice. I looked up at him in fear. How could I have been so in love with him? He towers over me! He could pin me down in a minute. Do what ever he wanted and I would not be able to stop him. I gulped in fear. If he wasn't going to hurt me, it was a choice. Not because he couldn't but because he wouldn't; but that could change in a second.

He moved again, slower this time. I looked past him to see Brads' face pale in shock at my outburst. When I looked back to Adam, he was suddenly at the edge of the couch. I yelped in surprise and he flinched at the sound.

"Please don't, don't touch me." I whispered. He nodded but moved closer putting his knees at the couch as he sat. I flinched at the proximity of our bodies and felt the blood drain from my face again. His eyes brows furrowed together and his lips pressed together in sadness. At least I think it was sadness.

"Tommy, what happened last night?" I blinked.

"What time is it?" I asked.

He looked down at his phone, careful not to move.

"4:36"

"A.M. or P.M."

"P.M." I blinked again. Odd, I hardly sleep, let alone this long. Wait... when did I go to sleep anyway?

"When did I fall asleep? Wait. How did I get here in the first place?" I asked.

"You passed out in a parking lot on 63rd. After completely losing it I might add. After you fainted, Adam picked you up, put you in my car, and we all came here. Can I come sit down by you?" Brad said. I closed my eyes at the information and remembered I never answered Brad. I opened my eyes again and looked up at him.

"Are you to hit me?" I asked cautiously.

"Why would I hit you?" he asked in an offended tone.

"Sure, but please don't touch me." I said nervously. He nodded and moved slowly to sit next to Adam.

"Love, are you going to talk to us?" Adam asked softly. I flinched at the name love and started shaking a little.

"Please, never call me that again. I just- I- mean, just please don't call me that." I whispered. He nodded.

"Please tell us what happened." He said again. I looked into his blue eyes and opened my mouth to speak. I didn't know where to start.

"After our fight, I needed a break. I went to the theater and watched some movies 'cus there was a marathon. I was leaving and- and I" I broke off. I started sobbing at the memory and my body was shaking so hard it hurt. I balled my fists up in anger and pain. I shook my head and heard Adam's voice though the fog of my pain.

"Your safe here Tommy, no one is going to hurt you."

"Your never safe" I whispered through my sobs as they slowed down. I fought through the pain and sat up, whimpering the entire way.

"Yes, Tommy, you are safe, no one is going to hurt you. Ever again; I'm sorry about whatever happened out there. But you're safe now. I will do what ever it takes to make sure of it.  I'll be your guardian angel." Adam said firmly. Through his little speech I felt my world get foggy once more. My vision started clouding over and I realized I was about to pass out from the pain shooting through my body. Just as my vision started blacking out I said softly,

"If you're my guardian angel, angels deserve to die. I deserve to die too. I want to die." And I blacked out.

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Authors Note:UGGG. THIS WAS FREAKING HARD! I know its not very long and kinda boring but 1) they are short cus I cant put myself through the pain of writing this for too long so the chapters wont be as long as oh say, Forgiveness Is Divine; which by the way is my other book you should check it out. Its sci-fi though so if that's not your thing... and yes it is boyxboy. 2) It needs to be boring and not all actiony because you have to see the full extent of the pain and shame he feels over what happened. Then you will better understand why he says what says, and does what he does. Oh and fair warning, the next Chappie might have self harm in it. So if that stuff is triggering to you, I will put a little note before it happens and say it's going to happen so then you can skip it. And if your in recovery and decide to test your will power, please don't. I don't need someone else's cuts on my mind. Just be good and skip it. Sorry but I know about those triggering parts and what they can do to people. I myself get a little pissed when it pops up out of nowhere and I have to freaking deal with the urge to... never mind, I'm rambling. But keep a look out for that. Anny ways...

Love me please!

~Sam