Would You Be Mine *Book 1 of the Unspoken Series* (ADOMMY)

Shameful Sin

Authors Notes:UGG I KNOW ITS BEEN FOREVER SINCE I POSTED… SORRY!!! lol but its here!!! Finally!! Lol so um favor? Go read Tatiyoh book fall from a star cus its angst filled and sexy J thank you!

Chappie song is lie by david cook.

 

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~sutan

Tommy POV

    When I woke up for the second time at Brads’ place, I looked around myself. It was pitch black, I reached for my phone on the floor, wincing at the pain, I saw it was 2:28 a.m. I knew I needed to get out of here, but I didn’t see how they were going to let me do that. Then it dawned on me. They were asleep. Its past midnight. Only insomniacs like me where up right now. I moved slowly, anticipating extreme pain again. I breathed out a sigh of relief when I felt tolerable pain. I gently got off the couch and walked softly towards brads door. I listened at the door and heard his deep rhythmic breathing. I did the same to the door where I knew Adam was, and nodded to myself when I heard him snoring lightly.

    I got out my phone once more and scrolled through the contacts searching for my favorite cab company as I walked back to the couch. I sat as I found the number and dialed. Moments later I was putting on my black boots when I heard the cab pull up outside the door. I was about to walk out of the door when I was shocked by fear. I backtracked and walked into Brads’ kitchen and pulled one of the cutting knives from his drawer. He could kick my ass later. I slid it into my boot and pulled the leg of my pants over the boot, hiding the weapon. I opened the door and slid into the midnight air as I walked away from them.

    I was walking toward my car after paying the cabbie for the ride when the fear hit me again. I shook my head and took the knife from my boot. I made my way to car and unlocked it getting in before putting the weapon back. I locked it again, started it, and drove home. I unlocked the door and called out Mikes’ name. I was baffled at the silence, but walked over the counter where I saw a piece of paper.

         Hey T.J.

    Went on a little vacation with Aniah (my new GF) should be back soon. Hope all went ok with adam!

             MIKE

    P.S. drink all my beer again, im gonna kick your non-existent ass into next week!!

 

I shook my head at my room mate. He would be concerned about his beer. I walked into my room and dropped onto my bed. I felt a prick at my skin and pulled the knife from my boot again and laid it out on the nightstand. *warning!! Self harm is eminent at this point in the chapter! If you are an avid cutter or are in recovery, or are thinking about becoming a cutter, please skip this part! Thank you ~Sutan* I stared at the blade as it shone in the barely visible moonlight that filtered through my dark room. I felt tears burn behind my eyes as I though about what happened to me. I was disgusted. I blinked as a new feeling fell upon me. I was disgusting. I clenched my jaw as I felt the tears brim over. I don’t know why, but I needed to feel something other than this. I was getting angrier the dirtier I felt. I reached for the blade and laid it across my bare arm. He let me live for a reason. I deserved to live with this shame. I dragged the knife across pressing into my skin hard. I gasped at the feeling that coursed through me. It was easier to breathe! I moved the blade, ignoring the blood that welled up to the surface and dripped over my skin and onto my carpet. I would need to keep people out of my room. I pressed it to my arm again and dragged it harder and longer than before. It was deeper than the first. I could almost breathe normally again! Just one more time. I did it again, and again, and again, and again. When I pulled the knife away for the last time, I nearly fainted at the euphoric feeling. I looked at my arm; it was a bloody mess. It was beautiful. I smiled and got up to walk into the bathroom to clean up. I wavered a bit. I felt high. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. I grabbed some paper towels and pressed it against my arm and held it there. I turned and went back into my room and searched for a long sleeve shirt. I grabbed that and the knife and went back into the bathroom.

I pulled the bloody paper towels away and noticed the bleeding had stopped. But my arm was still a bloody red so I turned on the water and rinsed it off. I dried my arm and pulled off the short sleeve shirt I had on and replaced it with the long sleeve one. Just as I was turning on the faucet again to rinse the knife off I heard my door open and Adam call my name. I panicked and tossed the bathroom door shut and locked it. I franticly looked at the mess in front of me and mentally groaned. I had made a mess. I grabbed the paper towels and the knife and my shirt and threw them all under the sink (which luckily locked). I turned on the water to let the blood rinse out the bowl and called to Adam to give me a minute. After I was satisfied with the way everything looked I turned the water off and left the bathroom. *the cutting part has ended and you are now free to continue your reading experience. –Sutan*

I walked out to meet Adam and shifted uncomfortably at the obvious tension.

“So, what did you need?” I asked.

“Nothing. I got up to get water and noticed you were gone.” He replied.

“You couldn’t just call?”

“I did. You didn’t answer.”

“Oh.” Oops. It was on silent.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah” now. I added mentally.

“Are we okay?” he asked in a soft voice.

“I don’t know Adam. I don’t really trust you anymore. The fact that you are here in my apartment and I’m trying my damndest to not break in front of you concerns me. I think we need a break from each other” I answered looking away from him. He nodded.

“I understand. I’ll let the others know you took a leave.” He murmured.

“I’ll still play with you guys, I just wont be alone with you… or in the same room with you with less than six people.” I said quickly. He looked at me and smiled.

“I can arrange that. Thank you.” He said earnestly. I nodded.

“We have rehearsals tomorrow because we are going to perform at the VMA’s” he said brightly.

“Okay. I’ll see you then.” I told him. He got the less than subtle hint and left. I locked the door and made a mental note not to give anyone a key to house ever again. After leaving the hall, I made my way to my bed and sank into a restless sleep.

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Authors Note: Ugg this was not fun.

 

~sutan