Love and Mayhem

Don't You Dare

“Don’t you dare leave me, Rogers!” I screamed into the comms system. 

“Just do me one favor.. Don’t forget about me, y/n.” Steve said in the calmest voice ever, just before the line went dead.  

Heart wrenching pain seared through my veins. My lungs felt shriveled up and no air was going in or coming out. I dropped to my knees and screamed with every inch of my being.  

Howard Stark came to my side and lifted me off the ground and sat me in a chair and tried to calm me down unsuccessfully.  

“I know, I know, y/n. I’m so sorry,” Howard said, holding me tightly. “I know there’s nothing I can say that will make you feel better. Is there anything I can do for you?” 

I shook my head no, I was barely able to choke out, “home.” 

Howard understood and sent me to my house with a driver.  

As soon as I got home, I ran a bath and sat there for hours as the water got colder, the air became cooler and the sun disappeared outside. My tears dried up and I willed myself out of the bath, slipped on one of Steve’s old shirts and slid into bed where I laid for what felt like days.  

Howard came into my house with Peggy to check on me, as they hadn’t heard from me in a couple of days.  

“Y/n? Can I get you anything?” Peggy asked in a soothing, quiet voice.  

I shook my head no, I just wanted to be left alone.  

“Honey you have to get out of bed and eat something, would you like me to make you something?” 

“Peggy, I would like to be alone. The love of my life died, how am I supposed to live after being with him since we were children? It was bad enough when Steve and Bucky went to the war!” I snapped, unintentionally.  

“I’m so sorry, y/n, just call me if you need anything at all,” Peggy hugged me and Howard waved as they turned to walk out the door.  

I rolled back over and hoisted myself to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of sweet numbing medicine. One glass, that’s all I was going to have. Just enough to numb the pain. 

Two. 

Three. 

Four. 

Bottle. 

Steve. 

Bucky. 

Fuck this life, Steve, I’ll see you in another. 

I downed the last of the second bottle and welcomed sweet death. 

…..... 

I woke up in my bed, not sure what had happened the night before, but I wasn’t dead. 

Once awake, I felt much better than I had any other day prior. I actually wanted to get up and be social today, it was a nice change. I went into the kitchen and found 2 empty bottles of liquor on the table.  

I picked it up to inspect it, but I was the only one here last night. Why was my kitchen and living room a mess?  

“HUNGRY!”