The Beach

14

"This is the last straw

Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry

but I don't believe you, baby

like I did before

You're not sorry"

TW: abuse

Aylin Russell

Me and Robert haven't talked to each other since yesterday's party. It was better that way.

After me and Ethan cleaned ourselves in the bathroom, I got straight to Robert and told him we should leave. He didn't say anything back, just followed me to his car. At first I thought he knew what we did, but then he started talking about how he deserved it and the thing I saw was a misunderstanding.

I still don't know what to think about the thing I saw in the hall. None of them wants to tell me and part of me thinks it's better if I actually don't know.

So I decided to drop it, but the worst thing was that I couldn't distract my thoughts. The memories with Ethan are still in my mind and they've got no intentions in stopping. That causes me to just be more quiet than usual as we sit on breakfast with Robert, my brother and my dad.

"I heard you had a little party yesterday."my father speaks up in the intense silence as I reach out to take my glass of juice.

I feel Robert's stare on me, but I don't dare to look at him as I take a long gulp "Yeah, we were. It was at Stephanie's house."

"You didn't do anything wrong did you?"the chuckle he lets out after that makes me realize it's a joke, but for a second I hesitate.

"No, we only had some coke and got arrested for a couple of hours, but now we're here."I joke, making him chuckle again and drink from his water.

"Tomorrow is your meeting for the job, remember?"he changes the subject and I nod. He told me that like five times yesterday "And you're going to apologize for keeping them waiting."

My eyes go to him with the thought he might want to start something serious, but I'm relieved when I see he's smiling. I still get tensed though. I just nod with a smile and look down at my food.

We're all eating scrambled eggs, but I haven't eaten from it yet while the others are almost finished. Robert notices it.

"C'mon, Aylin. You haven't touched your food."I look at him for a first time since he got here and he gives me a soft smile.

I only nod with a smile before taking a piece of it with my fork and pushing it inside my mouth. I chew for a long time, not wanting to swallow it at all, but I do. I take the juice right after that to remove the taste from my mouth.

The food is delicious, I just have too many mixed feelings that make my stomach shrink. When I notice he's still staring at me, I take another bite from it. Everyone here seems happy, everyone is smiling and my father probably doesn't know what's going on, but it still feels intense.

Seeing Robert's gloves with his scarred knuckles underneath them flashes back memories from the pure shock I was in.

I never would've thought he would be such a person: violent, cheating, angry. I always thought he was this sweet caring boy that I would probably marry one day, but yesterday I saw a whole new side of him.

When I remember that, it makes my guiltiness go away for a second, but then still: I shouldn't have done this no matter what. Because this just makes us both bad. My only defense for this was that "I wouldn't have done this if I didn't know he was cheating on me" which was just childish.