Save Me {Dylmas}

4%

My mind had shut off all thoughts and distractions except Thomas and his heart monitor. It was beeping steadily. His face broke my heart, then fixed it, then broke it again. It looked so innocent, so helpless, as he laid there with the oxygen mask and tubes coming out of his wrist. I wanted to scoop him up and cuddle him, tell him it would be OK. I pulled my jacket closer around me and smelt the booze, sighing at my own stupid mistakes. All I could do was cry and apologise profusely. I dared to call this boy the love of my life, but I couldn't tell he was hurting? I couldn't tell he was preparing to kill himself? How ironic. I thought I knew him better. Pulling the small flask from my pocket, I took a swig of the cold whiskey and stared up at the ceiling. My phone began to ring and I saw it was Wes.

"I can't make it to the set today, neither can Dylan. If it hasn't hit the news yet, Dylan is in the hospital, he got ran over and they think it was attempted suicide." I hung up the phone and put it on silent, knowing he would call again. Frustrated, I slammed my phone onto the floor as hard as I could. Somehow, the sound of it hitting the floor and the sound of it smashing satisfied me. I put my hands on my head, looking down and sighing. Once again, I took the flask and downed the whisky, the burning in my throat almost numbing the pain I was feeling. I felt pathetic, helpless and stupid. Earlier, I'd promised to save Dylan. But what if I couldn't? I'm pathetic. I couldn't save anyone, not even if I tried. Somehow, the impact of my phone smashing against the flooring didn't completely break it, and it began to vibrate. I turned it over to see Kaya ringing. I couldn't bring myself to answer it. Then I heard a quiet groan. My head jolted up to see Dylan move onto his side and open his eyes. He looked dazed for a moment, as if lost before sobbing.

"Dylan," I whispered, rushing to his side, "Stop crying, please,"

"Am I alive?" He asked, his voice croaky and weak. Confused, I nodded.

"Yeah, of course you are." I told him softly, sitting back down so I was level with him.

"I thought... I thought maybe I'd died, and you had too. But instead, I tried to kill myself, and I failed, like I do at everything! I couldn't even die, Thomas! I couldn't kill myself! I fail at everything!" He yelled.

"Dylan! Dylan calm down, OK?" I tried to calm him, but he just kept yelling. Reluctantly, I pressed the urgent assistance button and waited for a nurse to arrive.

"Why couldn't they leave me, Tommy? Why couldn't they let me die?" He whispered softly as the nurses ran into the room to attend to Dylan. "Tommy!" He screamed after me. Outside, I rested my head against the wall and tightly closed my eyes, scratched myself, pinched myself, desperately trying to wake up from this nightmare. I tried to blank the sounds of Dylan screaming for them to let him die, but they stopped. There was eerie silence for a while, due to it being early and most patients still asleep, but then I heard the nurses come out. One gave me a comforting smile, and I tried to smile back at him. Slowly pushing the doors open, I saw Dylan silently staring at the ceiling. No tears, no emotion, just him, lost in thought. 

"Hey," I said quietly. 

"Tommy? Why am I alive?" He asked, turning on a side. I thought back to when we were texting. He must have been about to kill himself when he texted me asking if I was OK. And I was so blunt with him.

"Because you deserve to be. Dylan, your wonderful, and I won't let you die. When you were unconscious, I made a promise. I promised I'd save you, and I will." Dylan looked back up, his mind somewhere else. "Dylan, why did you do it?"

"Look at me. I'm... I'm nothing. I'm worthless. Everyone has something good about them except me. You have perfect eyes and hair and... everything really. But me? I'm just Dylan. Plain old, boring, Dylan. And... you'll never understand how I feel about you. You'll never feel the same way, and worst of all? You're way above my league."

"Dylan..." I whispered, my throat dry and my mind telling me it was time for more alcohol. "I... I have to go." I ran out and straight back to the liquor store. Immediately, I felt bad for leaving Dylan when he had just opened up to me, but I needed alcohol. Walking into the store, I grabbed a bottle of jack daniels and a bottle of vodka. After paying, I walked out and decided to go back to the hotel for a little while.