I Was First | Joshua Hong

Chapter 30

The sound of the door opening and closing played inside my head like a broken cassette, and it seems like it won't put to an end. I guess I really got ahead of myself for even thinking that Joshua's gestures earlier felt different and meant something.

I've been expecting the inevitable pain that a unrequited love could give one day, though I saw it coming, it still hurts like hell.

I never realized how much I liked my bestfriend until it got to the point that he's telling me that I have my limitations, and I could never cross that line unless he willingly let's me in.

'We really are bestfriends..', he said, and it would've been better if he was hesitant and had a sad smile, but it was the exact opposite. He really meant it, and I second that.. unwillingly.

On that sky full of stars night, I went back to the three of them and made myself believe that nothing happened. Even though I lost my will to do anything and just instead sleep for who knows how long, I enjoyed that night as if on the next day, it will all be nothing but a faint memory.

I stretched my arms as I slowly got off the bed. From the wall clock hanging on the wall, I saw that it was six in the morning. The ambience told me that it was still too early and sleeping was a very good choice, but guess what, I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep anymore.

We went to bed pretty late last night and I feel like I just slept for half the time I usually do. Yet still, I was still in the middle of enjoying myself at the beach resort, waking up early to explore it more would be more likely the best thing I could do.

I tiptoed my way out of the room Alliza and I share, and out of the front door, quiet enough to not wake the others up. They all must be sound asleep, while I'm here getting refused by sleep for an apparent reason.

I wore my pair of slippers and made my way on the sand. It was quiet, just the way I like it. There were a few people I could spot on the way to the sea, but most of them were just sitting and staring blankly at some space.

I took a deep breath and inhaled shortly after once I was right before the water. I could clearly hear the waves due to the deafening silence, but it was peaceful though, I feel like I could spend hours just listening to the sea waves.

I turned to my side before starting to take slow paces by the seashore. I didn't have anything particular in mind, but at the same time, I feel like thoughts were clouding my mind and I was just too lazy to entertain them that's why I could also say that my mind was blank. I don't really know.. maybe a lot of things just happened yesterday and I failed to brace myself for it.

I unconsciously continued to do all that mindless walking, and at some point, I found myself stopping when I spot a familiar figure who was a few meters from where I was. And when he turned to my direction, I was now certain that it was Dokyeom.

With the distance between us, I still could see how a wide smile grew on his face as he waved his hand in the air. He jogged towards me, and in seconds, the few meters distance we had was cut to one.

"You're up early.", Dokyeom said, and if I could expand the details, he was still in his morning voice.

"When did you get here? I really thought the three of you were still sleeping."

He snickered. "I was here first. Didn't you notice that the door was already unlocked?"

I thought to myself for seconds, and later have come to a realization that he was right. I really did just turned the doorknob not knowing that it wasn't locked. "I seriously didn't realize. I guess I was half awake earlier.", And I couldn't even notice that a pair of slippers owned by Dokyeom was gone.