Immature Mistakes | mj.q✓

Two

Jiaqi was sitting in the family home's dining room the next evening. When they had confirmed that he was fit to go home, he was relieved and so was his family. He waited patiently for the food and sincerely hoped that he would enjoy it.

Mrs. Ma placed a plate in front of Jiaqi on the table, and unsurprisingly, it was his favorite meal. He looked up from his plate and smiled at her.

'Thank you mom,' he told her.

'You're welcome dear,' Mrs. Ma said before moving away from him and placing the other plate in front of her husband. She went to the kitchen to collect her own plate of food before returning to the dining table and taking a seat next to her husband.

'This looks good.' Jiaqi's father commented.

'Thank you honey,' Mrs. Ma answered him.

Silence then ate up the room, and the only sound was the clanging of the cutlery against the glass plates. Jiaqi knew there was something in the air, and it was only a matter of time before the story would be talked about. After all, they hadn't asked him anything while he was in the hospital.

'So young man,' his father's voice cut through the silence abruptly. 'I think we deserve to know why you overdosed on pills and almost killed yourself.'

'I'm...sorry.' Jiaqi answered and looked up at his father.

'We understand you are,' Mr. Ma nodded. 'But why did you do what you did? Please be honest with us.'

Jiaqi sighed. 'It's about...you and mom. I couldn't take it anymore.'

'Oh,' Mr. Ma guiltily answered, looking over at his wife now.

'I mean...I love you guys, but you made life toxic and unbearable for me in the past year.' he continued. 'I didn't like coming home from school every day to find that you're arguing and there's broken dishes in the kitchen...sometimes a broken window. And that you're about to divorce. Right now you're sitting next to each other because of me but when last have you even sat with each other?'

His parents were speechless for a moment.

'I get it, I don't want you to stay in a toxic marriage because of me, but it was hard on me too,' he looked down at his feet. This was the first time Jiaqi had ever really shown emotion to his parents. He was someone who kept to himself and covered disguised his pain with a rowdy personality.

'Actually...' Mrs. Ma started. 'We couldn't really address this issue because we didn't want to disturb your studies and we thought you were too young...'

'I'm not young,' he cut her. He was 18 years old and was a senior in high school

'You're the last born of the family, so you're always going to appear as a child to us.' Mrs. Ma told him. Both his two siblings were now grown up and moved out, working in different cities. 'Anyway, your father and I had a rough time. We were really on the brink of divorce. But it's actually your suicide attempt that brought us closer.'

Jiaqi looked up from his feet, now listening attentively.

'Because we got together and forgot everything we were fighting about at that point in time, because we had one common interest. To save you.'

Jiaqi slightly smiled. He didn't know whether they were telling the truth or not, but if it was sincere, then it meant a lot to him.

'Its fine,' Jiaqi nodded. 'I still didn't have a right to do what I did despite what was going on at home.'

'Did you ever try to talk to the school counselor?' Mrs. Ma asked him.

He shook his head. 'I've never really expressed myself, I didn't think it mattered.'

'It does, because we'd rather you express yourself than overdose on pills. Jiaqi, we love you so much, you have no idea. You don't know what your loss would have caused. Please don't ever do that again, and if you ever have another concern, share it with us, the school counselor or your friends.'

'Friends?' Jiaqi asked with a slightly irritated chuckle, before he decided to simply nod. 'Sure.'

'We love you very much Jiaqi.' His father said next.

'I love you guys too, a lot.'

...

It was 12 am and Jiaqi was still awake in his bedroom. He was trying to organize some of his stuff and get rid of some of the things he thought wouldn't do him any good on his journey to becoming a different person. He tossed one of his inappropriate magazines in his bedside bin, then started to search his desk for more things he wouldn't need.

He grabbed a notepad from the desk and shook his head at what he had wrote on it:

Okay I'm not leaving high school without some massive scandal that will keep people talking about me even when I'm gone. After all, what's the point of leaving high school without making a mark? I already have a few plans on what I'm going to do but I haven't picked yet...

'No Jiaqi, you're leaving high school with good grades and getting into college,' he spoke to himself before he squeezed the notepad between his hands and threw it in the bin as well. He felt so different already, he couldn't believe he had wrote something like that and thought it was actually cool.

He didn't want to make his parents worry about his grades or conduct anymore, instead, he wanted to make them proud just like both his older siblings had. He really felt the desire to do that, was it also perhaps because he had witnessed an angel? Despite what his parents had said, that moment had felt pretty real.

But as he continued to organize his desk, he got a distressing thought. When his parents had asked him why he overdosed, he merely told them half of the story. Yes, their constant fighting and impending divorce were a cause for concern and surely contributed, but there was something else happening at school which was the last straw for Jiaqi.

He wondered if he would still have any friends when he returned to school, probably nobody wanted to see him. He could have told his parents that he wanted a transfer or something, but he was already a senior and he didn't want to worry them. He didn't want his parents to know even though the situation was eating him up.

They told him to learn to share, but this was something he couldn't share. Either way, sooner or later, his parents were going to know about what had happened because the school would probably call them – if they hadn't already. Perhaps his parents were playing with him, they didn't want to talk about it while he was still probably recovering.

He didn't even want to go back to school, the mere thought of it made him anxious. He was probably going to lose all his friends and was going to be ostracized if he was going to continue attending the school. Chances were he was going to be expelled.

He had checked his cellphone that night and noticed there weren't any messages from his friends even though he knew they were probably well aware that he was in the hospital.

Either way, it didn't matter. He was going to face it. It didn't matter what people thought of him, this was the new him.