Cross My Heart

Chapter Four

CROSS MY HEART: CHAPTER FOUR

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock and a sore arm. I was still disgusted with myself; disgusted with what I did, disgusted by how I look. I turned off the annoying buzzing of the alarm clock and slowly forced myself out of bed. I went to the bathroom to wash my face and comb my hair. I came out to here the sound of my dad hustling around, on his way to work.

"Morning." I waited for him to say morning back, and tell me he loves me before I went into my room. I turned to my dresser and pulled out a pair of dark jeans, and a pair of fuzzy socks. I went to my closet and decided to wear a black tank top with a woolly gray cardigan on top. It is only then that I remember my date with Adam on Saturday, because I have to go to the mall tonight to buy something pretty. Why bother, I think to myself, clothes can't make up for your face. Was Roxanne getting to me that badly? I mean, I've never had total confidence in myself. But lately, with Adam around, Roxanne makes me feel so insecure, like I'm not even close to being good enough for Adam. But I am. I try to convince myself of this as I sit down at my desk and look in the mirror.

I take my foundation out of my makeup bag and add just enough to try and cover the natural redness in my face. I add a little powder to help make the foundation stay in place. I curl my lashes and add mascara. I finish it off with a little lip gloss and head downstairs. I grab the box of cheerios dad has conveniently left on the kitchen table and pour them into a bowl. It's a different take on my usual breakfast; oatmeal and strawberries. I add some milk and take the first spoonful. I sit down and finish the meal in silence, nothing but the sound of Mars' snoring to keep me company. I finish the cheerios and place the bowl in the sink. I go back upstairs to brush my teeth and grab my bag. When I head back downstairs it is still seven twenty; I usually don't start walking to school by seven forty-five. I decide to sit down on the couch, and turn on the t.v. There's usually nothing on in the morning except for kiddy cartoon's and the morning news. I decide to switch to the news channel and listen to the catastrophe's and struggles of the world today.

I'm not really watching the t.v, but rather just staring at it, a glass screen of oblivion. I listen to Michelle Walters name off the city that is going on a garbage strike, and how the locals are gearing up for Halloween. When it is seven thirty-five I turn off the t.v. and decide to get a move on. I don't mind that i'll be a few minutes earlier than I usually am. I open and close the door, but not before locking it. I never carry a set of keys because there's a spare one that we keep under the potted plant on the porch. It is a cloudy day today, with the sky trying to poke out in a few spots; like me, lost, but found, all at the same time. It's chilly, so I'm glad that I wore a warm sweater, but I don't mind the cold. In fact, Fall and Winter are my favourite seasons, so I'm excited for the hot weather to finally start leaving us. I make my way down the street, pass Mr.Dallas, who always has his dog out for a walk early in the morning. The leaves look so pretty blowing in the light breeze, they remind me of the Pocahontas movies.

I finally arrive at the school. I open up the door that is nearest to the student parking lot because it is the closest entrance to my locker. I make my way up the stairs, sliding my fingers across the grooves in the brick walls as I climb each stair. There is still twenty minutes until school starts so there are a few kids here and there, but not many. I get the things I need from my locker and go down to the cafe to read my book while I wait for classes to start.

There are a couple of kids in there. I find a seat in one of the back corner areas and crack open my book. I try my hardest to read but I find myself having to read the same paragraph over and over. You know when you read something, but instead of actually reading and taking in the information, you're just looking at the words? It's like that. I put the bookmark back in place an close the book. I should be happy right now, right? I have a date with Adam! I should be psyched, and I am, but there is something that is holding me back from my full happiness potential.