Adi, I started calling him this callsign since October 2021. I have my reasons and the deep meaning behind this 3 letter name.
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It is November 13 2021. Adi left me last October 31. I dont know what I feel right now. Pero alam ko na I am so broken right now. I know someday Adi will read this. Siguro kapag okay na ako. It will take alot of time for me to recover my old self. He may did alot of hurtful things to me, pero hindi pa din nawawala yung pagmamahal ko sa kanya.
Adi never cried. He said he did after the call. Pero bakit ganon? He did not even got wasted because of our breakup. Hindi katulad sa last 2 girlfriends niya. He said he cried and he even got drunk. Ganun ka ba talaga hindi nasaktan sa breakup natin? We were together for 2 fucking years? Lahat ba ng yun hindi mo ipagmomourn.
Lahat ba ay one sided love lang?
I overthink alot. I still wonder for his feelings. He told me he is not fine pero I still kept thinking na he is already okay. How can you do that Adi? How can you like oh so many girls na on instagram? Ganun na ba talaga ako kawala sayo? Siguro nga all you wanted was freedom to simp for other girls. Well, I was the one who introduced you to tiktok anyways.
My friends said it is so disrespectful for him to do that and it is not a normal thing to do, wala pang 1 month after the breakup. And I am so fucking stupid kasi I thought na okay lang yun? Ganto ba pag sobrang mahal na mahal mo yung tao? Nakakabobo.
I breakdown from time to time. Wala din akong gana kumain. I want to be the best version of myself but I guess it will take time. Minsan gusto kong umiyak, pero wala ng lumalabas. Is it because ubos na ubos na ako?
I am writing this because there is so much unsaid feelings ang nararamdaman ko right now. I loved him so much na halos nagpakatanga ako ng sobra. I did everything pero nalaman ko nalang na he was tired, unhappy and wala siyang nakikitang patutungugan sa relationship namin. All those times na I create future scenarios in my head with him. Sobrang tanga ko.
I badly want to ask him so many questions. But I also wanted him to realize his loss. I knew I did my best for our relationship. Pero I also know na marami din akong mali. I was asking too much because I badly want us to experience the same dates other couples does.
We still talk from time to time because he was the one who introduced me to marvel. We shared alot of things together especially mga series, movies and interests. It is so hard to forget about him because we had so many memories together. He probably thrown it all away already pero heto ako still broken and miserable because even if he was lacking, I still believed in him. I still trusted him. I know there is alot of room for improvements for him.
I guess I gave my all to you, I just want to forget about you and start to not give a fuck. Mahal na mahal kita. Hanggang ngayon, I miss you every single second. I want you to know that I appreciated everything you did to me. And it hurts so bad to see you happy already.
