Home Ice.

Chapter Eleven.

Avery

I couldn't be happier to be leaving New York this evening. I'm so done with this place, I'm done with feeling like I can't breathe.

My flight was originally supposed to leave tomorrow morning, but Finn needs to get to Calgary and I just don't want to be here anymore - so I changed mine to leave today too.

I've successfully ignored my mother the past two days, though today was harder than yesterday. She's been giving me sad puppy dog eyes since Finn and I got to the church and it's killing me. No matter how much she's hurt me, she's still my mom and I'm devastated that I'm sitting through my fathers funeral upset with her. We should be sitting together, going through this together.

But no, she's three rows behind us and I can feel her eyes. I'm so damn grateful for Finn, man. I've been tucked into his side since we've gotten here. He's kept his arm locked right around my shoulders as we sit in all black, his hand running up and down my arm to try and ease my sadness and grief.

My mom tried to come up to us when we got here, but I was already feeling the panic set in at the fact that I'm at my damn father's funeral - so I just shook my head at her and silently pleaded for her to not do this now. She didn't like that.

She insisted that we talk right there and then, so that's when Finn stepped in again. I was surprised he didn't as soon as she came up to us, but I think he wanted to gauge my reaction to her. But then when he saw that I didn't want to speak to her and she wasn't taking no for an answer, he became that shield for me that he's so damn good at being.

He didn't care about making her mad when he slipped his hand from mine so he could put it around my waist and pull me back a few steps. He just said to her simply, "She's done talking to you today."

To which she said that I hadn't even talked to her at all, and that I can't ignore her forever. I know that, and I don't think I want to ignore her forever - but I just can't right now. I'm severely overwhelmed, I just need to take a step back and separate myself from everything here. I can't think straight when I'm around these people.

I miss Grace and Casey and Olive and Kennedy and Dot, I miss my family. I feel like a different person out here, like I did before I even got to Seattle in the first place and I hate it. It even feels strange when Finn is around these people because it's like my two totally separate worlds colliding.

And you know what hurts too? This was the first time my mother saw me since I got engaged, and she couldn't care less about it. Sure, I called her after and she congratulated me - but that was it. Never once asked to see my ring, never asked what happened or where. It's a small detail I guess, but your own mom not giving a shit about the biggest moment of your life so far sends a knife straight through your soul.

I want to excitedly tell her how Finn took me to the place we had our first kiss. I want to gush over the ring he custom made to look like a flower that we both hold close to our hearts. I want her to ask me if we had any plans on the wedding yet and me get annoyed at her overbearing excitement. But none of that happened. The phone call lasted five minutes tops and all she asked was if I was sure I wanted to go through with marriage, which then lead me into having defend my relationship again.

My family ushered us to sit in the front which made me want to scream. They tried to get me to walk in behind the damn casket but I straight up told them no. They want to pretend that he didn't sleep with other women for the majority of my teenage years and that he didn't walk out on me. I can't forget that, I can't pretend that I didn't loathe this man for so many years.

So that's how we've gotten to where we are - with me being tucked tightly into Finn's side as we sit in a pew at church. Neither Finn nor I are particularly religious, and I find it ironic that a man who was the face of adultery is being blessed by another man who probably has his fair share of sins lined up too. Honestly, being in a church is just making me be more in a sour mood which you'd be surprised is possible.